14.3.08

Army of Two is the Gayest Thing I've Ever Seen

And I've seen 300. Sure, you could make the argument that since that was about gay soldiers, and Army of Two moves the homosexual themes of its protagonists into the realm of subtext, that 300 is the gayer of the two, but you would be wrong.

The primary reason for this is that while the Spartans were literally having sex with one another all the damn time, they actually took the whole 'war' thing seriously, and are remembered primarily for their fighting acumen, and secondarily for their child molestation.

Compare this to the main characters from the game Army of Two:

While I'm not saying that writing the word 'Merc' across the codpiece of your body armour is necessarily an advertisement for your services as a male prostitute, it certainly makes a persuasive impression in that direction, and I haven't seen anything in the game to suggest another interpretation.

Especially suspicious is the way the game depicts the two mercenaries congratulating and encouraging one another after every murder. Here they are clasping hands and gazing soulfully into one another's eyes:

It's almost as if they're the new millennium's answer to Leopold and Loeb. Vicious repressed psychopaths who can't let their attraction to one another out in healthy, normal ways, so they resort to ever-escalating acts of violence, always urging each other forward to greater heights of murder.

And I haven't even touched on the game's signature feature: Pimping your weapons!

While myriad games have offered players the chance to modify and improve their weapons, this may be the first to proudly encourage the player to make their guns prettier. Pimp culture has always been about giving the appearance of being as flamboyantly homosexual as possible. The jewelry, the fine clothes, the larger than life persona. Pimps believe that seeming as 'femme' as possible is a challenge to be overcome. They want to prove how masculine they are by looking as gay as possible without having anyone consider the possibility that they are, in fact, men who are attracted to other men. So their flamboyant appearance and behavior is counterbalanced by surrounding themselves with whores, who they viciously beat at every opportunity. Because, in the pimp's mind, there's nothing more masculine than abusing women.

The mercenaries in Army of Two have no similar excuse for this behavior. Their obsession with gold-plated, diamond studded weaponry seems to go no farther than their literal love of how pretty it looks. They buy a platinum shotgun not because they're trying to make an ironic comment about how masculine they are, but rather because they desperately want to use a shotgun that's more beautiful than all the other shotguns out there. If anything, their predilection for flamboyant weaponry seems to be their one obvious outlet for their otherwise suppressed desires. It's almost as if they want to taunt their victims with the way that they kill them. "You weren't just brutally shot to death. You were brutally shot to death by a gun that's prettier than your wife. Want to make something out of it?" They're getting revenge for all the people who ever called them sissies or persecuted them for their nature, and doing it in the most humiliating way possible, by killing these proxies with fancy, impractical weapons.

Army of Two's homosexual subtext is so close to the surface that I have a hard time believing that it's unintentional. From the way the game melds fashion-doll accessorizing with with brutal murder, to the 'trying too hard to seem straight' way the main characters taunt and shove one another, Army of Two is a masterpiece of subculture infiltration. This is a game being mass marketed around the world whose central theme is a gay love affair between two soldiers. That their love is expressed by killing other people is beside the point. It's there. It's queer. Get used to it.

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well man, I've played Army of Two and although, yes, you can interpret the game in that way; the way your interpreting it is wildly inaccurate in terms of the context the game is set.

I'm thinking that maybe you experienced some troubling times in your life that have caused you to look at the game from this perspective. Tell me if I am wrong.

If you think that pimping your gun is gay ( and there is nothing wrong with being gay [my liberalism is coming out, i know]) then there are millions of gay gun enthusiasts and criminals across America. and im sure there aren't. (which is kind of a sad thing as well; could use a lower crime rate)

lastly, if you think holding hands is gay... well... don't go to the army is all I'm gonna tell you ( a lot of partner/"buddy" obstacle courses, which you won't like). further more, don't enter any kind of dojo or fighting arena for all types of wrestling will be gay as well. the UFC is probably REALLY gay in your book. and sports like football, rugby and water polo must be very gay as well.

if you agree to any of these then, sir, please put yourself into a biochemical hazard suit, for otherwise your at risk of getting another man's "gay cuties" which you so fear.

good day ^_^

....oh and Army of Two is a damn SeXy game XOXOXOXO

yeah i know you liked that deep inside , lol

Ian Brett Cooper said...

Yup. Army of Two is officially the gayest game ever - it even beats the Gears of War franchise (which I thought could never happen). I think it's funny (and a little ironic) that so many guys seem worried that people point out that a game they enjoy is so obviously gay.

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I lost every penny I had invested when my ETH wallet was compromised. I was upset and tried every trick in the book to try to recover my money until I was told about Directline recovery. Initially, I was dubious, but I decided to give it a shot, and he showed his value by recovering $98,680 of the money I had lost. It wasn't all of the ETH, but I am still quite appreciative of the assistance they provided at a fair price. You can reach them at DIRECTLINERECOVERY ><@GMAIL.COM

Rusty Macdonald said...

When my cryptocurrency investment went into the wrong hands, I lost $577,510 in Bitcoin and was defrauded of my hard-earned money. I was about to give up after finding out that it could not be found or recovered, but then I saw a Google post about a real hacker at Lord Hacker Ultimate Digital Assets Recovery Agency which is also a stolen fund/Crypto Recovery Agency. I was shocked to learn that after working with them, they had successfully recovered $577,510, which is my entire loss in BTC. I'm very grateful and relieved that I was able to recover all of my missing Bitcoin. Contact them at their hotline now at:
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Jacy Miller said...

Indeed, the Wizard James Recovery team lives up to their reputation! I did, therefore, spend $320,000 in bitcoin with a fraudulent investment business. I was amazed to see my dashboard showing that deposit had increased to almost $420,000 a few weeks after I made it. As I tried to withdraw the money and it was denied, my happiness was going to fade. I kept emailing support multiple times, but they never responded. I began considering ways to reclaim what was rightfully mine since I wasn't going to let that go. I came across people on social media who had also fallen prey to a similar investment scheme and had their money successfully recovered with Wizard James Recovery. I emailed James, they participated in the $305,120 deposit recovery. Wizard James Recovery specialists are astounding. Try Wizard James' services if you need to get money back from scammers. Send them an email at wizardjamesrecovery @ usa . com for more information about their services.

Mia Wagner said...

Not only has the popularity of digital assets like Bitcoin increased, but it has also given us new and intriguing challenges. Even though these digital currencies are unquestionably convenient and secure, we cannot ignore the risks that come with them, such as the possibility of theft or loss. This makes the necessity for trustworthy Bitcoin recovery services essential. Bitcoin is without a doubt the most well-known cryptocurrency, dominating the worldwide scene thanks to its skyrocketing market value. There is an increasing need for reliable recovery services as more people get involved in cryptocurrency investing. The worst-case scenario would be losing access to your Bitcoin as a result of password forgetting, frauds, or breaches. Any person's excitement might rapidly turn to despair in these kinds of scenarios. Nonetheless, I'm happy to let you know that WIZARD JAMES RECOVERY is a solution that can help in these trying times. Leading the way in offering expert and safe Bitcoin recovery services is WIZARD JAMES RECOVERY. Their knowledge has brought hope and comfort to innumerable people by assisting them in retrieving their misplaced or unreachable Bitcoins. WIZARD JAMES RECOVERY stands out for its dedication to providing outstanding service and use of cutting-edge methods and technology to guarantee a full recovery. Their team of professionals is committed to assisting you in navigating the challenging process of regaining access to your digital assets and is knowledgeable about the nuances of the cryptocurrency industry. Regardless of whether you are a victim of fraud, have had your security compromised, or just having trouble remembering your password, WIZARD JAMES RECOVERY has the expertise and resources to help you get back on track. They make the healing process less stressful, thus I strongly advise you to take the required actions to recoup your money and guarantee your safety. Remember, you can conquer any challenge and get your Bitcoin back with WIZARD JAMES RECOVERY on your side. Send them an email at wizardjamesrecovery(at)usa(dot)com to learn more about their services and how they can assist you.

Unknown said...

The world of cryptocurrency is a thrilling rollercoaster: soaring highs of potential, heart-stopping dips of volatility, and the ever-present hum of uncertainty. While the rewards can be immense, the risks are equally daunting, none more so than the chilling prospect of losing your hard-earned digital assets. This is where Daniel Meuli Web Recovery steps in, not just as a technical savior, but as a beacon of hope in the digital abyss.
My story is unfortunately familiar. A seemingly innocuous phishing attack, a moment of carelessness, and my digital wallet, once brimming with promise, lay empty. The pit of despair was bottomless; the fear of financial ruin was paralyzing. Desperation led me down a rabbit hole of online forums and recovery "experts," each promising a solution, each leaving me with a deeper sense of helplessness. Then, I stumbled upon Daniel Meuli Web Recovery. Their website, unlike the others, exuded a quiet confidence, and a sense of professionalism that resonated with my desperation. The testimonials, heartfelt and genuine, offered a glimmer of hope, a fragile spark in the darkness. I reached out to them @ Danielmeuliweberecovery @ email . com & TELEGRAM  @DANIELMEULI with a hesitant plea for help, and was met not with skepticism, but with genuine empathy and a meticulous understanding of my predicament. The recovery process itself was a masterclass in efficiency and transparency. Every step was explained in clear, concise terms, and my questions were answered with patience and understanding. The Daniel Meuli Web Recovery team never sugarcoated the challenges, but they never wavered in their determination to find a solution. Days turned into weeks, each update a nail-biting cliffhanger, until finally, the news arrived: my cryptocurrency, every precious Satoshi, had been recovered. The relief was overwhelming, a tidal wave of gratitude washing away the months of anxiety. But beyond the sheer joy of regaining my assets, it was the human touch that truly resonated. Daniel Meuli Web Recovery wasn't just a recovery service; they were my digital lifeline, my unwavering support system in a time of crisis. My experience demonstrates Daniel Meuli Web Recovery's unwavering devotion to their clients as well as their technical expertise. They are aware of the psychological effects of losing cryptocurrencies, including the terror and despair that can overcome even the most experienced investor. They tackle every case with kindness and commitment, viewing each missing currency as a personal issue that must be solved. 

Jackson N said...

How To Track Down And Recover Lost Hacked Or Stolen BTC//ETH - Captain WebGenesis.


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George Caldwell said...

My contact with Space Spy Recovery, where they assisted in recovering my cryptocurrency investment of $725,000 USD, has restored my faith in cryptocurrency transactions. When it disappeared out of my wallet with no transaction history, I felt I was lost for good! However, I received my money back thanks to Space Spy Recovery's kind assistance. Communicate your message:
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Telegram: @spacespy65
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