Chocolate Cannibalism Exposed!

The world of children's candy can oft be a disturbing one. Giant balls of resin designed to literally break jaws. Incitements to eat worms and miniature bears, each constructed from some manner of gelatin. The terrifying image of a rabbit laying chocolate eggs...

All of these have, in one way or another, scarred children for life. This year, however, Cadbury has thrown off all pretense of marketing chocolate treats, and instead released a product that seems to exist for no other purpose than to disturb anyone foolish enough to look upon its packaging. That product? The Choc-Men.

Look at his wild eyes! The abandon with which he tears his chocolate brother apart with his teeth! Only one question can be asked of this situation - has resorting to cannibalism driven him mad, or did madness cause him to resort to cannibalism?

Not satisfied with this relatively tame depiction of snowman cannibalism, Cadbury released a second edition of the Choc-Men, this one branded under its popular 'Caramilk' line.

No, you're not seeing things, that chocolate snowman is bleeding profusely as his head is being torn apart. The Caramilk secret, it would seem, is devouring the living as they scream for mercy.

This, ladies and gentleman of the jury, is a face that has gazed into the abyss. How can he be found legally responsible for his actions, abominable though they may have been, when he'll never again understand what they were?

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