The episode opens in central park, of
all places! A man is jogging alone, at night, because apparently he
has a death wish? He's then chased down at attacked by something that
grunts! Is it a gorked-out troglodyte who lives under the park? Is
this an episode about CHUDs? Let's hope!
Then it's over to DC, where Eric is on
a date with a lade! With a nurse that his disabled buddy set him up
with! The date is interrupted by Garcia, who has come to collect him
for a case! Way to ruin two people's nights, Garcia! Is this case
really so urgent it couldn't have waited until the morning?
We get word about the case - a man was
disemboweled and had his throat torn open by something with large
claws! They immediately wonder if a tiger is loose from a zoo, or
possibly escaped a private home. Aisha suggests that a large dog
could have been trained to kill. This is a very silly idea, since
large dogs don't have claws the way big cats do, and these guys were
sliced open.
My bet? Either a werewolf, or a guy in a werewolf suit, like that episode of Hannibal.
My bet? Either a werewolf, or a guy in a werewolf suit, like that episode of Hannibal.
Joe mentions that this case is a lot
like one from '97, in which two teenagers slit a man's throat,
disemboweled him, then filled his body up with stones and threw him
in a lake. That sounds almost nothing at all like a guy being mauled
to death by an animal. Why would you bring it up?
Then we cut back over to central park,
where a couple is walking along, happy to be celebrating their 25th
anniversary! Hey... why are they being allowed to do this? Just a
couple of hours ago a man was mauled to death in the park, and the
police think there's a very real possibility that a wild,
bloodthirsty animal is on the loose! How has the park not been
cleared out and flooded with police?
Right, then there wouldn't be a kill
right before the credits. Gotcha.
A man in a hoodie leaps out of the
bushes, frightening them, and they hurry their step as he darts back
into the woods. Then he appears in front of them, threatens them with
a knife, and gets their money! Moments later, he is mauled to death
by a werewolf.
The show intimates as much by showing
us the full moon before the killing, which forces us to remember the
last murder was exactly a month ago!
Fun fact: The connection between
werewolves and the full moon is entirely a creation of the film 'The
Wolfman' from 1931 - up until then, myths about werewolves had them
transforming pretty much whenever they wanted to!
On the plane, they find out about the
latest victim, and talk about the 'lunar effect' which anecdotally
suggests that people go nuts during a full moon! No mention is given
to the fate of the couple who got mugged. I'm not saying it was their
fault for walking through central park at night, but come on, who
does that?
In a bizarre time jump, the team
arrives at the police station the next morning. It's February, so for
it to be this bright out, it would have to be like 10AM. Eric's date
was interrupted - at the latest - around 10PM. They were in the air
like an hour later. It's a one-hour flight from Quantico to New York,
so they should have been on the ground no later than 1AM. So what
have they been doing for the last 9 hours?
Also, the show uses an establishing
shot of central park from back in October or November, when the
leaves were changing colours. I know that the show can't afford snow,
but wow, they're not even trying to pretend it's winter!
Emily, Aisha, and Reid talk to the cop
in charge of the park, who reveals that the park is way too big for
them to fully patrol, and only has security cameras at the perimeter!
Well, that's not totally useless, since the killer had to get in and
out of the park at some point, right?
Then they express dismay that the New
York tabloids are running with the story about there being a beast in
the part. I don't want to tell you how to do your jobs, people, but
isn't that a good thing? There literally is a beast in the park, so
isn't anything that keeps people out of the park until that beast has
been caught a good thing? Why are you so reflexively mad at the
press? Is it because they exploit real-life tragedy for profit? What
do you think this show is for?
Couple of weird things about the
newspaper cover. First off, it can't exist-
Also, check this out-
The victim didn't have an orange safety
vest on when he was killed, but the body does have one on. Is this a
continuity error, or is the werewolf putting safety vests on its
victims?
JJ and Eric look over the corpse of the
mugger, and discuss that the killer might be a 'moral enforcer'
trying to clear scummy people out of the park. But what about the
jogger? Perhaps he thinks the immoral act is for anyone to go into
the park, at any time? If that's the case, then he's not really a
moral enforcer at all, just a run of the mill crazy person.
Joe and Matt go to check with the ME.
Matt has completely given up any pretense of dressing like a
professional, and literally shows up at a morgue wearing a hooded
sweatshirt. Wow.
The ME has news! The victim's throat
was torn out by a bite from four giant teeth, but all of the saliva
around the wound was human! So yeah, werewolf. Something strange goes
unmentioned, though - where was the blood trial leading away from the
victim? An attacker tore his throat out and disemboweled him. Unless
that attacker brought along a change of clothes and a litre of
bleach, then the victim's blood must have gotten absolutely
everywhere. So where was the blood trial? Why haven't dogs been
dispatched to follow it?
Is this another sleepwalker episode? Does the Criminal Minds team not know that tracking blood is a real thing that cops do all the time, and everyone's just too polite to tell them?
We get a bad prop alert as Reid has
mapped out the deaths on the cheapest map of Central Park imaginable-
That map is tiny, and also doesn't have
most of the trails, roads, and buildings in the park marked on it.
How did they end up with such a terrible prop? Couldn't you have just
gotten a blown-up satellite photo?
Then Aisha walks in with some test
results - the killer's saliva has drugs in it, ones that could make
you violently hallucinate! Her conclusion? The killer must believe
that he's a werewolf! They point out that human teeth couldn't
possibly have done that kind of damage to someone, tough, so the
killer must have made a wolf mask to kill with! If they'd just watch
Hannibal they'd save a lot of time.
We then see a hobo in a blood-soaked
coat going through some garbage. The police come to arrest him,
obvs, and when he turns around, it's just a teenager with shockingly
well-coiffed hair for a homeless person!
They interview the kid about his
actions, and professes ignorance. So they ask him about the coat, and
ditto. Eventually they ask him if he killed the mugger, but give him
a completely wrong physical description of the guy, and he confirms
that he did it. This is obviously a false confession, but the New
York cop is happy to accept it, since they don't like doing a lot of
work. The team is just concerned about finding out where he got the
killer's coat, or if it is, in fact, his coat, how it ended up with
blood all over it.
Meanwhile, the killer shoots himself up
with drugs in a tiny bathroom, psyching himself up to go out
a-murdering! Then it's over to the park, where he eats a hot dog
vendor! Who was in the park well after dark, even though he knew
there was a werewolf running around. What's wrong with this guy?
Looking over the body, they find that
his wounds were even more savage than the previous victim's. But if
the killer is so brutal, why didn't he touch the homeless kid, and
instead left him a coat? They go to ask him about the coat, and
hypnotize him to find out!
They do a bad job of it, though, because JJ starts out asking him about the park 'last night'. Except, you know, you've had this guy sitting in a room for 18 hours or so. You're asking him about what happened two nights ago. And we can't even excuse this error by suggesting that this scene was moved around in the edit, because Eric specifically states that they know the kid is innocent because there was another murder last night while he was locked up.
How does AJ Cook look at this line in
the script and not ask it to be changed so that her character won't
look like a complete idiot? Do they even read these scripts before
the ride to the set? Is literally everyone working on this show just
completely phoning it in?
The kid remembers the werewolf putting
the coat on him and telling him to stay warm! So he's unusually
worried about homeless kids! Strange enough for a serial killer that
it must be a lead! Eric and JJ then tell the kid they have to take
him back to the group home where he's being abused, but promise to
look into finding him a better living situation. He feels that's
likely an empty promise, but I guess we'll see!
Time for the profile! It's just a
rehash of everything we've already learned, with the addendum that
they'll be doing a park stakeout that night in the hopes of finding
him before the full moon goes away! Just think, if you'd done one of
those last night, the hot dog vendor might have been saved!
The werewolf, now in a suit goes to the park to meet a lady who is not happy to see him. He wants to get back together, because he's sorry for how he was, and he's worked to improve himself! She is not convinced, and leaves.
Sadly, he doesn't turn into a
rage-triggered werewolf right then and there. Okay, serious offer,
show - if this guy turns out to be a real werewolf, this episode gets
at least a 5/10. I'll score how they caught him as normal, and add
that to the 5/10. So the effective minimum score will be a 6/10.
Here are the terms - I don't need a
full transformation, or even him to become super furry. Just any kind
of demonstration of powers and him having giant fangs. It's fine if a
drug causes the transformation, no complaints there - but he needs to
not require a biting appliance. If this guy actually shoots himself
up with a drug that gives him giant wolf fangs, this episode becomes
a winner!
While Matt and Eric wait for sign of
the werewolf, they talk about Eric's obsessive phone checking! Will
that nurse ever get back to him? Sorry, she's a doctor. My bad. Well,
really my passive sexism.
We check in on the killer in his
apartment. He downs some alcohol and takes pills at the same time -
will this lead to the werewolf transformation I'm hoping to see?
Sadly no, he just shoots up his drugs and then grabs a metal mouth.
Sigh.
I mean, I knew I was going to be
disappointed, but it's still disappointing.
The next morning, JJ, Reid, and Joe go
to see the new body! This time it's a woman and her ring and pinkie
fingers have been bitten off of her left hand! Is it because he's mad
at his ex-wife, and now hates signs of marriage? Also, the new body
is an alley, which makes Joe think that the guy is going on an
uncontrollable spree, since he's operating outside of the part.
Well, first off, he's already on a
spree - he killed three people in 24 hours. I don't know how else you
would describe that. More importantly, though, why would killing
people outside of the park suggest that he's LESS put together?
Doesn't him noticing that the cops are all over the park and then
choosing to strike somewhere else suggest that he's more in control
than you'd previously assumed?
You know, before there were eight main
characters on the show, generally you'd get plenty of scenes with
just two people going to a crime scene, and then three people would
show up occasionally, or be relegated to police station scenes. Now
that they've got seven field agents, the writers are so desperate to
make sure everyone has enough lines that every scene is packed.
Looking over the details of the case,
the team makes the leap that the stolen engagement ring means that
the killer recently lost a romantic partner, and putting the coat on
a guy suggests that he wishes he could have protected someone! Could
the killer be trying to avenge something bad that happened in the
park? Probably not, since he murdered a woman walking her dog down a
sidewalk, but who knows?
Eric gets a call from the doctor, who
thinks that Eric is a liar because he said he didn't have kids, but
Garcia mentioned him needing a sitter! So Eric tells her about the
dog, and the problem is resolved!
Garcia digs through crime committed in
the park, and finds that the killer's son was shot to death by a
robber two years ago! How did that transform into him thinking he was
a werewolf? Who knows?
Anyhoo, the team goes looking for him,
but finds his wife and her new boyfriend at their old address! Can
they find the killer's hovel before he kills again? Yes, definitely,
but it might be a little close, because it almost always is.
I can't imagine that finding him will
be much more trouble than just calling his work, right? Like, he's a
dental technician, so it's not like he's doing that out of a van, and
they have to know where he lives. They don't even have to, though -
the ex-wife already knows.
We get a flashback to the son's death -
he tried to tackle an armed robber and the husband froze up, so she
blamed him for letting their son die. No wonder he's become a mad
killer! Why the werewolf thing, though?
In the park, which no one is watching,
apparently, the killer accosts the homeless kid and drags him into
the woods! The team hears about it, and assumes that the killer has
taken the kid to a wolf's den where he can be easily protected! Why
would the killer know where that is? Has he been spending a lot of
time prowling around the woods, getting to know them like the back of
his hand? Because it seems more like he just gets high, tears up
someone's body, and then runs back to his apartment. Why would they
think he's going to obey all of the rules of wolfishness, rather than
the broad, big-picture concepts like looking out for his pack and
eating prey?
They go out to where the killer is
holding the kid, and announce it's too risky to just go and arrest
him. Only it's not at all - he's not going to try to hurt the kid,
the worst that can happen is that he charges you, but then you can
just shoot him with a taser or a beanbag to knock him down and then
arrest him.
Still, they decide to go the
psychological route and bring the wife in to chat! Eric tells her to
forgive her husband for the whole failing to protect his son, and she
does! The killer surrenders without incident.
So yeah, if she'd just apologized a
year ago, none of this would have happened. You're the worst, lady.
THE END
Eric and Doctor go on another date!
They really want him to be the new Derek, don't they?
1 - Was profiling in any way helpful in
solving the crime?
Yes! For once it factored in a little!
They were able to extrapolate that the killer was trying to get
vigilante revenge on people in the park, and that had to be for a
good reason! Then again, he killed a bunch of people who weren't
dangerous, and also there was no reason for him to be a werewolf, so
this is all pretty strange.
2 - Could the crime have been solved
just as easily using conventional police methods given the known
facts of the case?
The guy wandered back to his apartment,
drugged and blood-soaked. I feel like he should have been spotted
almost immediately. Also, you know, dogs can follow blood in those
quantities, maybe even in New York!
So, on a scale of 1 (Dirty Harry) to 10
(Tony Hill), How Useful Was Profiling in Solving the Crime?
5/10 - I still have no idea why that
guy turned himself into a wolf. If he'd started shooting criminals in
the park, then sure, why not. But the whole werewolf transformation
seems so preposterous and out of step with everything we learn about
his backstory.
Also, you know, he sometimes avoided
the park, but then other times he didn't? Weirdly inconsistent.
And I'll never forgive you for cheating
me out of a werewolf, show. So, what, you're allowed to do any number
of episodes about demons, but a werewolf is somehow taboo? Weak.
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