Last time I took a look at an internet banner ad suggesting that I get my credit rating, I overlooked something pretty major. I was so distracted by the moods of the various dinosaurs being depicted that it didn't even occur to me that the background colours being used might have some relevance. Luckily the very same credit check agency people have put out a new series of ads that focus entirely on those colours, giving me a second chance to look at just how bizarre and confusing these ads are.
A word of warning first. These are just images, not real ads. Do not click on them. Also, if you see the real ad versions, don't click on those either. You're just rewarding poor design.
13.5.09
The Poker Club says: Panic in the Face of Adversity!
Is it really too much to ask, in movies where people accidentally kill someone, then freak out and decide to get rid of the body, that they have done something in the slightest bit questionable that keeps them from going to the cops?
This movie revolves around four relatively successful businessmen who get together once a week for poker games. Since their names aren’t important, I’ll refer to them as Nervous, Jock, Druggy, and Main Character, who, in being the main character, gets more than one personality trait. One night they’re out in a shed, playing their poker, when one of them sees a mysterious figure lurking around the main character’s house.
The men rush in and discover that a crazed Russian is lurking in his kitchen with a knife. Through the time-honored tradition of the ‘gang-up’, the men manage to subdue the attacker in the basement and then tie his hands. This doesn’t stop the Russian, though, who struggles to his feet and runs straight at Nervous, who happens to be holding a baseball bat in his hands. Exactly what you think happens happens, and now the four guys are left with a dead body on their hands.
This movie revolves around four relatively successful businessmen who get together once a week for poker games. Since their names aren’t important, I’ll refer to them as Nervous, Jock, Druggy, and Main Character, who, in being the main character, gets more than one personality trait. One night they’re out in a shed, playing their poker, when one of them sees a mysterious figure lurking around the main character’s house.
The men rush in and discover that a crazed Russian is lurking in his kitchen with a knife. Through the time-honored tradition of the ‘gang-up’, the men manage to subdue the attacker in the basement and then tie his hands. This doesn’t stop the Russian, though, who struggles to his feet and runs straight at Nervous, who happens to be holding a baseball bat in his hands. Exactly what you think happens happens, and now the four guys are left with a dead body on their hands.
11.5.09
Saturday Night Live RapeWatch: Justin Timberlake Edition
Very light on the objectionable content front this week, with a largely clean show from perennial guest Timberlake.
In a sketch about Justin Timberlake’s great great grandfather imagining his grandson’s life. He refers to his grandson growing so bored with having sex with beautiful women that he’ll do a bunch of ‘gay stuff’. Of course, since the whole sketch was parodying the ridiculousness of Timberlake’s image, that’s not really born so much out of homophobia as the craziness of celebrity life. When making a joke about the legalization of gay marriage in Maine, he made a reference about ‘ass-less waders’ going on sale. Then there was a joke about child molesters hanging out around a Harry Potter exhibit at the museum of science and industry.
In a sketch about Justin Timberlake’s great great grandfather imagining his grandson’s life. He refers to his grandson growing so bored with having sex with beautiful women that he’ll do a bunch of ‘gay stuff’. Of course, since the whole sketch was parodying the ridiculousness of Timberlake’s image, that’s not really born so much out of homophobia as the craziness of celebrity life. When making a joke about the legalization of gay marriage in Maine, he made a reference about ‘ass-less waders’ going on sale. Then there was a joke about child molesters hanging out around a Harry Potter exhibit at the museum of science and industry.
5.5.09
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 61
Indiana Jones and the Hole-y Plot (Part 3)
There are certain types of plot holes that originate from laziness or lack of attention, plot holes that generate from desperate writers needing to twist and yes sometimes even alter reality itself in order to get all the pieces of their story where they need them to be. Then there are plot holes like today’s mistake, the kind that originate from the filmmakers’ complete lack of imagination. Either an inability to or disinterest in thinking through the ramifications of the situations they've created. This time we're speaking specifically about the time that Indiana Jones was actually in the spaceship of the crystal skeletons.
After Indiana Jones’ long quest to find the valley of the decrepit pyramid (not actually a long quest - look for that in day 72: Indiana Jones and the accidental trailblazer), he finds himself in the treasure room where he offers evidence that he doesn't actually know what an archaeologist is. It's around this time that Indiana Jones discovers concrete proof of what the audience has known for literally two and half hours, namely that suddenly he’s living in a sci-fi adventure movie rather than a mystical one. Where does this prove come from? He opens a big stone door, and behind it is the cockpit of an alien spaceship.
There are certain types of plot holes that originate from laziness or lack of attention, plot holes that generate from desperate writers needing to twist and yes sometimes even alter reality itself in order to get all the pieces of their story where they need them to be. Then there are plot holes like today’s mistake, the kind that originate from the filmmakers’ complete lack of imagination. Either an inability to or disinterest in thinking through the ramifications of the situations they've created. This time we're speaking specifically about the time that Indiana Jones was actually in the spaceship of the crystal skeletons.
After Indiana Jones’ long quest to find the valley of the decrepit pyramid (not actually a long quest - look for that in day 72: Indiana Jones and the accidental trailblazer), he finds himself in the treasure room where he offers evidence that he doesn't actually know what an archaeologist is. It's around this time that Indiana Jones discovers concrete proof of what the audience has known for literally two and half hours, namely that suddenly he’s living in a sci-fi adventure movie rather than a mystical one. Where does this prove come from? He opens a big stone door, and behind it is the cockpit of an alien spaceship.
4.5.09
Adventures in Fake Journalism: Harper's Island 104
Another week, and another set of fake newspapers! Somebody up there likes me!
The first newspaper is a little blurred, so I’ll just type out the legible parts.
---
Saturday Semptember 23 , 2006
CHOPPING DOWN THE PAST
BY JJ WHISPERS
NEWS REPORTER
Last night’s town hall meeting played host to the Island’s most heated debate since Wendell’s Pharmacy started filling orders for Medical Marijuana. At the heart of the (unclear) is the ‘Tree of Woe’, the tree that stands alone on the (unclear) bluff, and was the (unclear) where Wakefield hanged three of his victims.
The first newspaper is a little blurred, so I’ll just type out the legible parts.
---
Saturday Semptember 23 , 2006CHOPPING DOWN THE PAST
BY JJ WHISPERS
NEWS REPORTER
Last night’s town hall meeting played host to the Island’s most heated debate since Wendell’s Pharmacy started filling orders for Medical Marijuana. At the heart of the (unclear) is the ‘Tree of Woe’, the tree that stands alone on the (unclear) bluff, and was the (unclear) where Wakefield hanged three of his victims.
2.5.09
Harper's Island: Week 4 Recap
This is it folks. I prayed the day wouldn’t come, but many predicted that it was inevitable. It seems that they were right and I was wrong. So here we are. Episode four.
The week that Harper’s Island got inexplicably, inexcusably, and perhaps irredeemably stupid.
Oh, and since the episode doesn’t air until tonight in the States (Global didn’t move it the way CBS did), so don’t read this until tomorrow if you don’t want spoilers.
The week that Harper’s Island got inexplicably, inexcusably, and perhaps irredeemably stupid.
Oh, and since the episode doesn’t air until tonight in the States (Global didn’t move it the way CBS did), so don’t read this until tomorrow if you don’t want spoilers.
1.5.09
Quick Wolverine Reactions
I'm not sure Wolverine is a film with enough content to justify the kind of blow-by-blow analysis I like to give awful movies, so I'll keep this a little briefer than normal.
The Good - Hugh Jackman and Liev Schrieber each do really well in their parts, and have great screen chemistry as both friends and enemies. Which makes the fact that they rarely spend any time onscreen together kind of annoying. Also, seeing it in Canada meant that there was a great reaction every time Wolverine reminded someone where he was from.
The Bad - Everything else.
The Good - Hugh Jackman and Liev Schrieber each do really well in their parts, and have great screen chemistry as both friends and enemies. Which makes the fact that they rarely spend any time onscreen together kind of annoying. Also, seeing it in Canada meant that there was a great reaction every time Wolverine reminded someone where he was from.
The Bad - Everything else.
29.4.09
Adventures in Fake Journalism: Harper's Island 103
There have actually been two episodes of fake newspaper clippings on Harper’s Island so far – but I couldn’t cover the first, the article about her mother’s murder that Abby found in her room the first night, because the camera never got close enough to let us read the text. Last week’s episode was a different matter entirely, as we were offered a lingering close-up of the newspaper article that the Sheriff found in Kelly’s jewelry box. I’ll print the text here, along with a note of where the text started to repeat. The repeating text was actually a huge help this time around, as it allowed me to get the complete text of the fake article, despite the fact that a few corners of it were left off camera.
Avod Wednesday!
There's a new Avod for all y'all to listen to!
It can be found here!
Enjoy some spirited discussions about Harper's Island, Skinwalkers, and the third-best John Carpenter movie, Prince of Darkness!
It can be found here!
Enjoy some spirited discussions about Harper's Island, Skinwalkers, and the third-best John Carpenter movie, Prince of Darkness!
28.4.09
Harper's Island: Week 3 Recap
Not a particularly eventful week here on the Island, so we should be able to get through the recap a little faster than usual. The episode opens with Abby floating in the pool. She’s greeted by Beth, a brunette bridesmaid, who may have gotten her first line this week. At the side of the pool Thomas and Trophy Wife Katherine have an early-morning drink. Then Katherine glances over at the porch and shares a knowing look with Richard (her step-son-in-law), meaning that they’re having an affair.
An affair motivated, on Richard’s part, by his hatred for Thomas as established in the next scene when Henry asks Richard how he can stand being related to Thomas. In the next scene Thomas, Richard, and Henry are skeet-shooting with a double-barelled shotgun while Madison, the creepy little girl, tears the heads off of flowers in the garden. Henry recieves a note from the hotel staff that concerns him, but then tells Trish that it was ‘nothing’. Then, after a lot of thought, he elects to throw the skeet shooting match, letting Thomas win. Henry then drops the shotgun back on a table full of them, establishing that the island is fairly well-armed.
An affair motivated, on Richard’s part, by his hatred for Thomas as established in the next scene when Henry asks Richard how he can stand being related to Thomas. In the next scene Thomas, Richard, and Henry are skeet-shooting with a double-barelled shotgun while Madison, the creepy little girl, tears the heads off of flowers in the garden. Henry recieves a note from the hotel staff that concerns him, but then tells Trish that it was ‘nothing’. Then, after a lot of thought, he elects to throw the skeet shooting match, letting Thomas win. Henry then drops the shotgun back on a table full of them, establishing that the island is fairly well-armed.
27.4.09
TFtD 105: Mookie and Pookie
The episode begins with a family playing a game of Scrabble. In addition to the mother and father, who play separately, Pookie, the daughter, is playing in a team with Mookie, her twin brother, who participates by speaking over an intercom from his room upstairs. After playing the word ‘glitch’, which the parents try to challenge, because apparently there was a time when that was only a computer term, Pookie heads upstairs to check on her brother.
It seems that he’s dying of some sort of mysterious illness, which, while it doesn’t require him to live in a bubble, keeps him in bed and only able to move around in a wheelchair. In what might be considered a failure of makeup, Pookie (Justine Bateman!) tells Mookie that he looks terrible, but for a guy who spends all his time indoors, he doesn’t even seem pale:
Oh my god. That’s computer paper that not only has holes running down the side for easy sprocket access, but three pre-punched holes on either side so that the paper can immediately be put in a duo-tang! And it’s supposed to go in a landscape printer! Colour me nostalgic.
21.4.09
Avod Tuesday!
I know we were all expecting a new CSI: Miami last night, but there wasn't one, leaving me with plenty of time to edit and post the new Avod, which features a frank discussion of Harper's Island, awful trailers, and the Boogeyman Trilogy-
Please downloaded it here, if that's your thing, or listen to it live over at the Avod's blog.
As always, thanks for watching!
Please downloaded it here, if that's your thing, or listen to it live over at the Avod's blog.
As always, thanks for watching!
TFtD 104: The Odds
The episode opens with a bookie (Danny Aiello!) and his sidekick hanging out in a shabby diner. Danny’s an old-timer, and while no one’s placed a bet with him for quite some time, he still considers himself ‘the best in the business’. Suddenly there’s a cold draft, and a mysterious stranger in a white suit (Tom Noonan!) enters.
After nervously checking a piece of paper, Tom slides five gold coins across the table. He wants to bet it all on a 40-1 shot at Belmont. Danny explains that he’s too late, and the race has already started. Tom’s not worried, and as they switch the radio on, it turns out that the race was delayed, so the bet can go ahead.
Naturally, the horse wins, and Danny tells Tom that he can pick up his twenty thousand the next day. Tom explains that he’d rather let it ride on a baseball game, picking the Orioles at 3-1. Danny’s sidekick leans in and reminds him that since the game is that night, he doesn’t have time to lay the bet off. Danny replies that he’s never once refused a bet, so he accepts it.
After nervously checking a piece of paper, Tom slides five gold coins across the table. He wants to bet it all on a 40-1 shot at Belmont. Danny explains that he’s too late, and the race has already started. Tom’s not worried, and as they switch the radio on, it turns out that the race was delayed, so the bet can go ahead.
Naturally, the horse wins, and Danny tells Tom that he can pick up his twenty thousand the next day. Tom explains that he’d rather let it ride on a baseball game, picking the Orioles at 3-1. Danny’s sidekick leans in and reminds him that since the game is that night, he doesn’t have time to lay the bet off. Danny replies that he’s never once refused a bet, so he accepts it.
20.4.09
Harper's Island: Week 2 Recap
The episode begins the next morning with Abby waking up, still wearing her dress from the night before. Apparently she went to sleep without alerting anyone about the whole ‘a stalker put a news story about my dead mom in my room’ affair. At least she wedged a chair under the door for some semblance of protection. Next thing we know, she’s running through the woods alone, getting her morning exercise. Not the first thing I’d do once I found out I was being stalked, but hey, I’m not an emotionally fragile chick who hasn’t gotten over the brutal murder of her mother seven years earlier.
Wait, wouldn’t that make her less likely to go running off alone after finding out about being stalked?
Out in the woods she comes across an adorable baby deer (fawn? I don’t remember the term) and the two hunters who are intent on killing it. She scares the deer off, and the hunters, Shane and Jimmy are annoyed. They claim the deer population needs to be thinned out, because they can’t migrate off the island.
Wait, wouldn’t that make her less likely to go running off alone after finding out about being stalked?
Out in the woods she comes across an adorable baby deer (fawn? I don’t remember the term) and the two hunters who are intent on killing it. She scares the deer off, and the hunters, Shane and Jimmy are annoyed. They claim the deer population needs to be thinned out, because they can’t migrate off the island.
18.4.09
Criminal Minds 110: The Popular Kids
Synopsis – Two teens are running down a footpath somewhere in Virginia. The girl proves to not be so great at keeping up, and sends the boy, “Adam” on ahead. One would think that a girl left all alone in the woods would be about to suffer some kind of horrible fate, this being a show about murderers at all, but there’s a twist coming…
Girl hears some suspicious noises all around her, and, because the writers have seen horror films, she thinks it’s her boyfriend playing a prank. She runs up the path, following the direction Adam had headed in, only to stop suddenly as she stumbles across something horrifying – Adam has been murdered! There’s your twist, people!
Oh, and a second later the murderer appears and she screams, so it’s only like half a twist. Please take note of the killer’s shoes:
Doesn’t seem like the best choice for running around in the woods, do they? Did he polish them after the murder and before the girl ran up?
Girl hears some suspicious noises all around her, and, because the writers have seen horror films, she thinks it’s her boyfriend playing a prank. She runs up the path, following the direction Adam had headed in, only to stop suddenly as she stumbles across something horrifying – Adam has been murdered! There’s your twist, people!
Oh, and a second later the murderer appears and she screams, so it’s only like half a twist. Please take note of the killer’s shoes:
Doesn’t seem like the best choice for running around in the woods, do they? Did he polish them after the murder and before the girl ran up?
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