Adventures in Fake Journalism: Harper's Island 103

There have actually been two episodes of fake newspaper clippings on Harper’s Island so far – but I couldn’t cover the first, the article about her mother’s murder that Abby found in her room the first night, because the camera never got close enough to let us read the text. Last week’s episode was a different matter entirely, as we were offered a lingering close-up of the newspaper article that the Sheriff found in Kelly’s jewelry box. I’ll print the text here, along with a note of where the text started to repeat. The repeating text was actually a huge help this time around, as it allowed me to get the complete text of the fake article, despite the fact that a few corners of it were left off camera.

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SHERIFF KILLS SUSPECT JOHN WAKEFIELD
By PJ Tancinco
NEWS REPORTER

It has been confiremed that suspected mass murderer, John Wakefield, was shot and killed yesterday by Sheriff Charles Mills. Wakefield was shot several times near Eastern Bluff.

Local residents are obviously relieved by the news of Wakefield’s death and praise Sheriff Mills and his deputies for their non-stop efforts to end the rampage.

“That man (Wakefield) committed unspeakable acts that will never be forgotten, but thanks to Sheriff Mills, we can all begin to mourn the ones we’ve lost,” said Maggie Krell.

Details have not yet been released but sources say Sheriff Mills’ weapon was the only one fired during the shooting.

Wakefield was suspected of killing six people in a one-day spree. Victims were found on all parts of the island with causes of death ranging from hanging to extreme mutilation.

The motives behind the killings remain a mystery and with the death of Wakefield, it may never be known. The victims’ names will not be released to the public until a full investigation can be made by authorities. Wakefield’s body is under twenty-four hour guard at the Doctor Ike Campbell’s Clinic due to threats made against the body.

The travel ban in and out of the island, imposed by local law enforcement, has been lifted.

(It begins looping here, and continues two more times)

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This is, by a wide margin, the best kind of fake newspaper – one that actually offers new information from the world of the show. We haven’t learned much about the Wakefield murders, so all of this is really useful stuff.

First off, there’s the fact that the sheriff has deputies, which we’ve seen no evidence of so far. Also, he was all alone when he killed Wakefield, meaning their last conversation is a total mystery.

We still don’t know the details of Wakefield’s killing spree, and the facts released in this article offer more proof for those who think Wakefield wasn’t responsible for some, or even all, of the original murders.

Even with a few hilarious grammar things, this stands as one of the better fake newspapers I’ve seen.