Adventures in Fake Journalism: Harper's Island 104

Another week, and another set of fake newspapers! Somebody up there likes me!

The first newspaper is a little blurred, so I’ll just type out the legible parts.


Saturday Semptember 23 , 2006



Last night’s town hall meeting played host to the Island’s most heated debate since Wendell’s Pharmacy started filling orders for Medical Marijuana. At the heart of the (unclear) is the ‘Tree of Woe’, the tree that stands alone on the (unclear) bluff, and was the (unclear) where Wakefield hanged three of his victims.

(two blurry paragraphs)

With the crowd stunned to silence, he added, “But if it makes you feel better to cut down a perfectly good tree, then so be it.”

The meeting concluded shortly thereafter, with no resolution on the matter. The official minutes list the topic as “to be determined”.

(starts to repeat here - we don't see enough of the repeat to get the missing paragraphs)


That blurriness is a little infuriating – who wants the tree to stay up?

There are three relevant articles for the next newspaper front page-


Monday, October 8, 2001


By JJ Whispers

Seattle police have released the names of the victims in the brutal and deranged killing rampage that took place here on Harper’s Island. The Tacoma man, John Wakefield, stabbed, burned, decapitated and hanged seven people in various locations around th island before being shot dead by Sheriff Charles Mills.

Police are unsure of Wakefield’s motive although one of his victims is identified as Sarah Mills of Harper’s Island, the Sheriff’s wife.

Witnesses told Police that they heard an explosion in the harbor and then followed screams to a large willow tree on the outskirts of town where they found three bodies hanging – one of them being Sarah Mills.

Also killed were fishing boat captain, Harris Houle, of Seattle; the harbor master, Christopher Cullen, of Harper’s Island; deputy Joshua Alben (?), of Harper’s Island; local teacher, Kate Seaver, also of Harper’s Island; and a newlywed bride honeymooning on the island, Virginia Ferguson, of Wheaton, Illinois.

Further investigation is pending as this sleepy vacation island mourns the loss of four highly regarded citizens (cut off) to heal from this (cut off) tragedy.

(starts to repeat here)


Wakefield’s Tree of Woe

By JJ Whispers

Disturbing details continue to surface concerning the homicidal rampage of John Wakefield that beset Harper’s Island three days ago. Early eyewitness reports that three victims were handed from a tree near the Eastern Bluff have been confirmed by the Sheriff’s Office. In a grim press conference, Deputy Patrick Little identified the three Wakefield victims hanged from the tree as Kate Seaver, Deputy Joshua Alben, and Sarah Mills, the wife of Sheriff Charlie Mills.

(blurs and cuts off here)


Wakefield Victim, Christopher Cullen
A Memoriam of Our-

By PJ Tancinco

Christopher was born on Harper’s Island on Spetember 29th, 1951 to June and Charlie Cullen. He began working with his father on the docks at a young age (blurred) the fishing boats and helping bring in the daily catches.

(blurred, cut off)

-on the docks of Seattle, he returned to Harper’s with his new wife and a baby on the way. He believed mall town living was more his speed, and wanted to raise his child in the town in which he grew up. He (cut off) his post on the docks and (cut off) Harbor Master three years (cut off) his father Charlie (cut off) daughter, Jill, was born shortly (cut off) return to the island, followed (cut off) by his son, Christopher Jr.

The day of the killings (cut off) was later getting to (cut off) decided to have-

(cut off)


Next is the clipping from episode three, which now has a date, Friday October 5, 2001. Establishing that the murders took place on Thursday the 4th. Also, another article’s headline is visible, but not the text. The headline reads “Wakefield’s Body Found”, which suggests that he possibly fell off of something while being shot, and the body needed to be recovered.


Monday, January 14, 2002

By JJ Whispers

Just prior to his murderous rampage on Harper’s Island that claimed six lives, John Wakefield was released from a maximum-security penitentiary in upstate Washington. There he served 18 years on a life sentence, before being released on parole for “good behavior”.

“When you dedicate your life to rehabilitation, this is about the worst nightmare you can imagine,” says Warder Gerald Cosgrove.

“You hope that when you release a prisoner, they’ll find a place in society and make a positive impact. What John did is just a setback for everything we’re trying to accomplish.”

Cosgrove says Wakefield was a quiet, well-behaved inmate, and the parole board had every right to grant him early release. Shelton Samuels, a guard in Wakefield’s former cellblock, paints a different picture, “The guy was crazy nuts. His cell looked like one of those notebooks from Seven. There was psycho writing and pictures everywhere.”

Samuels believes some of the pictures even foreshadowed the murders Wakefield committed on Harper’s Island, “But unfortunately he trashed everything before the parole board could see it.”

Samuels insists that he was adamant about keeping Wakefield behind bars, and filed a formal protest. Warden Cosgrove dismisses the allegation, “He did no such thing. Officer Samuels is trying to rewrite history to make himself feel better. No one could’ve foreseen what happened. We all wish we hadn’t let the beast out of his cage.”


Saturday, March 3, 2001 (obviously a mistake – the murders were in October 2001)

Wakefield Murders
By (blurred)

Harper’s Island was once known as an idyllic summer hideaway and quaint fishing village. Now Harper’s Island is the scene of one of the most brutal killing sprees in recent history. The national media has left our small island but not without trying to squeeze every last story out of our community. There is some hope that microphones are no longer shoved in our haves. And, the constant knocking on our doors by insensitive reporters has silenced.

The time has come for our town to heal. But can we as a community overcome this tragedy? Every last person living in Harper’s Island has been directly affected by the Wakefield murders.

A community support group has been started and will meet weekly at the First Church of Harper’s Island every Tuesday night. Reverend Fain, moderator of the support group, hopes “each person will help their fellow man through this great heartbreak.”

Tragedies can define a city. This country is sympathetic towards a population struck by disaster. And towns that overcome such misfortune can inspire a nation. Time will only tell the affect the Wakefield murders will have on Harper’s Island, but this is a wound the community will carry for decades to come.


I've got to say, despite the looping, I'm really impressed with the amount of work this show is putting into their props.

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