I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 51

Day 51: Indiana Jones and the Useless Motorcycle

When one looks at all of the terrible payoffs that Indiana Jones and Crystal Kingdom offered, it's easy to miss the big setup that lacked a payoff of any kind. Of course, I speak of Shia Laboeuf's motorcycle.

The character Mutt Williams is introduced riding his motorcycle. This is because the entire visual of the character, no, the entire conception of the character, really only makes sense when associated with motorcycles. Take him away from them, and he starts to look a little silly. Just look at Fonzie. Riding into Arnold's? Great. Strapping on waterskis? Cliche-definingly awful.

Which brings me to my point: Why do they bother bringing Shia Laboeuf's motorcycle to Peru if they're not going to bother having him use it? We're treated to a shot of Harrison, Shia, and the motorcycle packed into the back of an airplane, making the long trip down to South America. They arrive, and the motorcycle is never seen again. Why?

Couldn't they have found something to do with it? Couldn't Shia have ridden it to the rescue in the Jungle chase? Maybe Harrison Ford could have traded it in the marketplace (to Shia's supposedly comedic protestations) for something of more value to them in the jungle, like the location of a graveyard perhaps?

There's nothing like that in the film, though, which leaves the motorcycle a loose-hanging thread in an otherwise tightly-plotted... actually, that's not true at all, is it? No, very little of the film actually made sense, but at least they made awful, awful attempts to wrap things up. Here they didn't even bother to do that. So what's the better choice - coming up with an awful resolution, or not even bothering to try?

That's like asking people whether they'd prefer rotten food, or none at all.