Day 57: Indiana Jones and the Magical Waterspout
In adventure films, it's not uncommon to see the hero wind up in some kind of an evil fortress or ancient temple. If that happens, you can expect, to a 90% degree of certainty that at the end of said hero's association with said locale, the locale will wind up self-destructing. Usually due in no small part to the actions of the hero.
Examples of this can be found in each of the previous Indiana Jones films. Harrison Ford causes the Hovitos' sacred cave to collapse by triggering a trap, then Mola Ram dropped a ridiculously, comically, insanely large canister of water next to a train tunnel, flooding it to an absurd extents. Even in Last Crusade, when Elsa attempts to take the Grail out of the temple, the whole place shakes a little.
7.11.08
Criminal Minds 101: Extreme Agressor
As I announced on the recent Avod, I'm beginning a project wherein I watch every episode of Criminal Minds, the most profiler-y show on television, and judge just how much profiling is actually used to solve the crimes (I'm guessing just serial killings, but who knows?) depicted.
To examine each episode, I'll be recapping the plot, and then asking three simple questions:
1 - Was profiling in any way helpful in solving the crime?
2 - If so, was the profiling plausible, or was it more magical and out of left field in the way it helped?
3 - Could the crime have been solved just as easily using conventional police methods given the known facts of the case?
With no further ado, I present to you a critical examination of Criminal Minds episode 101: "Extreme Agressor"
To examine each episode, I'll be recapping the plot, and then asking three simple questions:
1 - Was profiling in any way helpful in solving the crime?
2 - If so, was the profiling plausible, or was it more magical and out of left field in the way it helped?
3 - Could the crime have been solved just as easily using conventional police methods given the known facts of the case?
With no further ado, I present to you a critical examination of Criminal Minds episode 101: "Extreme Agressor"
Early Friday Morning Avod!
On today's Avod, the Divemistress and myself discuss Midnight Meat Train, our new ongoing projects, and many, many, many tangents!
Enjoy! By clicking here! And downloading it to a folder! Then using a mediaplayer or portable audio device to listen to it! Yeah!
Enjoy! By clicking here! And downloading it to a folder! Then using a mediaplayer or portable audio device to listen to it! Yeah!
6.11.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 56
Day 56: Indiana Jones and the Scary Reds
In yesterday's entry, I mentioned the way the film utterly wasted the impact of Anti-Communist paranoia on Indiana Jones' adventures. Today I'm going to address something even bigger - the film's complete failure to have anything to say about the entire issue of the 50s communist witch hunt. Right at the outset, it seems like a deep vein of relevant messages are about to be mined. Then no such thing proceeds to happen.
In fact, other than Indiana Jones being run out of his job for his shady connections, there's nary a comment to be found on the subject of one of the darkest social periods of America's 20th century. Heck, one action sequence even runs through an anti-communist rally without even a sideways glanced at the kind of fervor that held America's better angels hostage.
In yesterday's entry, I mentioned the way the film utterly wasted the impact of Anti-Communist paranoia on Indiana Jones' adventures. Today I'm going to address something even bigger - the film's complete failure to have anything to say about the entire issue of the 50s communist witch hunt. Right at the outset, it seems like a deep vein of relevant messages are about to be mined. Then no such thing proceeds to happen.
In fact, other than Indiana Jones being run out of his job for his shady connections, there's nary a comment to be found on the subject of one of the darkest social periods of America's 20th century. Heck, one action sequence even runs through an anti-communist rally without even a sideways glanced at the kind of fervor that held America's better angels hostage.
5.11.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 55
Day 55: Indiana Jones and the Failure to Raise the Stakes
When it comes to The Crystal Valley's failures, and mistakes, it seems like they're split almost evenly between things that they did incredibly poorly, and things that they just entirely neglected to do. Today's entry falls squarely into that second category.
After escaping from the atomic explosion using his ability to be terribly written, Harrison Ford finds himself in an even worse predicament - he's suspected of being in collusion with the Russians by the US Government!
When it comes to The Crystal Valley's failures, and mistakes, it seems like they're split almost evenly between things that they did incredibly poorly, and things that they just entirely neglected to do. Today's entry falls squarely into that second category.
After escaping from the atomic explosion using his ability to be terribly written, Harrison Ford finds himself in an even worse predicament - he's suspected of being in collusion with the Russians by the US Government!
3.11.08
What's going on with Knight Rider?
I don't watch the new Knight Rider television show. Maybe I should, given my love of awfulness, but I don't.
This week might well be an exception, though. Out of the corner of my eye I happened to catch a few seconds of an ad. It's possible I was misinterpreting the whole situation, but in that fractional glimpse it looked like Willard was crouched over someone in the high-tech control centre, making a grave pronouncement while a cheerleader looked on from the background.
That's such an odd tableau that I find myself compelled to tune in and find out just what the heck was going on.
Stay tuned for a report on the matter.
This week might well be an exception, though. Out of the corner of my eye I happened to catch a few seconds of an ad. It's possible I was misinterpreting the whole situation, but in that fractional glimpse it looked like Willard was crouched over someone in the high-tech control centre, making a grave pronouncement while a cheerleader looked on from the background.
That's such an odd tableau that I find myself compelled to tune in and find out just what the heck was going on.
Stay tuned for a report on the matter.
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 54
Day 54: Indiana Jones and the One Tin Soldier
I'm sure everyone reading this is familiar with the term 'MacGuffin', but just in case, I'm going to offer a quick lesson. Everyone in the know, feel free to skip the next paragraph.
Initially used by Alfred Hitchcock, the 'MacGuffin' is the thing in a film that people want, but that has no real importance to the plot, beyond getting it moving. The quintessential MacGuffin is the money in Psycho. Stealing it sends Janet Leigh on the road to her doom, and chasing after her (and the money) gets Arboghast killed and finally leads to Norman Bates being captured. The money itself plays no role in the film beyond a motivator to bring characters into conflict with one another. In the years since its introduction, the definition of 'MacGuffin' has been stretched to include any object of desire in a film, whether it is practically used in the plot or not. Strict MacGuffins, like the tape in Escape from New York and the briefcase in Ronin now share the term with broader MacGuffins like the disc in Escape From LA, or the valuable shotgun in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
The Indiana Jones franchise has always featured the second variety of MacGuffin, as the objects in question, be they stones, grails, or arki, always play a key, practical role in the film's climax. Likewise, this film's MacGuffin, the Crystal Skull, is a valuable tool for the vast majority of the movie's running time. It cows natives, repels ants, and even raises an alien from the dead. The briefcase from Pulp Fiction, this is certainly not.
I'm sure everyone reading this is familiar with the term 'MacGuffin', but just in case, I'm going to offer a quick lesson. Everyone in the know, feel free to skip the next paragraph.
Initially used by Alfred Hitchcock, the 'MacGuffin' is the thing in a film that people want, but that has no real importance to the plot, beyond getting it moving. The quintessential MacGuffin is the money in Psycho. Stealing it sends Janet Leigh on the road to her doom, and chasing after her (and the money) gets Arboghast killed and finally leads to Norman Bates being captured. The money itself plays no role in the film beyond a motivator to bring characters into conflict with one another. In the years since its introduction, the definition of 'MacGuffin' has been stretched to include any object of desire in a film, whether it is practically used in the plot or not. Strict MacGuffins, like the tape in Escape from New York and the briefcase in Ronin now share the term with broader MacGuffins like the disc in Escape From LA, or the valuable shotgun in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
The Indiana Jones franchise has always featured the second variety of MacGuffin, as the objects in question, be they stones, grails, or arki, always play a key, practical role in the film's climax. Likewise, this film's MacGuffin, the Crystal Skull, is a valuable tool for the vast majority of the movie's running time. It cows natives, repels ants, and even raises an alien from the dead. The briefcase from Pulp Fiction, this is certainly not.
31.10.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 53
Day 53: Indiana Jones and the (far too) Lucky Escape (Part 3)
Today's entry covers yet another example of Indiana Jones' unbelievably convenient luck when it comes to finding his way to safety in even the direst of circumstances. This particular example comes from a sequence that I haven't mentioned as of yet in this series, the motorcycle chase around and through Barnett College, where Harrison Ford teaches when he's not off battling natives and punching Nazis.
I'll cover the details of the chase another day, for now I'll just recap the situation - Harrison Ford is hanging onto the back of Shia Laboeuf's bike as they ride through city streets and college gardens. The chase ends as Shia tricks the commies into ramming into the statue of Denholm Elliot, beheading it and sending the copper dome into one of the Commies' laps. Then the chase ends, and the scene cuts to Harrison Ford's house, as he and Shia go to look a few things up in books (the cornerstone of action filmmaking: always cut directly from a chase scene to a research scene!)
Today's entry covers yet another example of Indiana Jones' unbelievably convenient luck when it comes to finding his way to safety in even the direst of circumstances. This particular example comes from a sequence that I haven't mentioned as of yet in this series, the motorcycle chase around and through Barnett College, where Harrison Ford teaches when he's not off battling natives and punching Nazis.
I'll cover the details of the chase another day, for now I'll just recap the situation - Harrison Ford is hanging onto the back of Shia Laboeuf's bike as they ride through city streets and college gardens. The chase ends as Shia tricks the commies into ramming into the statue of Denholm Elliot, beheading it and sending the copper dome into one of the Commies' laps. Then the chase ends, and the scene cuts to Harrison Ford's house, as he and Shia go to look a few things up in books (the cornerstone of action filmmaking: always cut directly from a chase scene to a research scene!)
30.10.08
Avod Episode 2: Halloween Special!
That's right folks, just in time for Halloween, the Divemistress and I have teamed up to produce a Halloween-themed Avod, covering everything you need to know to have a spooktacular holiday weekend (as long as it involves watching horror movies, or possibly listening to people talking about them)!
Happy Halloween! (right click on the previous statement and 'save link as' to enjoy the Avod)
P.S. - In case you're wondering why the Halloween poster wasn't altered at all, it's because you don't mess with perfection.
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 52
Day 52: Indiana Jones and the Useless Whip
Indiana Jones isn't a gimmick character, nor does he only have one note. That is to say, he's not a whip-themed character, and I would never suggest that the films go out of their way to find things for him to whip, because doing so would likely only lead to awkwardness.
That being said, I think it's fair to say that everyone who pays to see an Indiana Jones movie expects to see him using the whip a few times. It doesn't have to be throughout the film, and it doesn't have to be constant, but nonetheless, it's something we expect him to get around to doing at some point. Like James Bond and his Martinis, the audience wants to see Indy cleverly swinging or grabbing things with a whip at opportune moments.
Indiana Jones isn't a gimmick character, nor does he only have one note. That is to say, he's not a whip-themed character, and I would never suggest that the films go out of their way to find things for him to whip, because doing so would likely only lead to awkwardness.
That being said, I think it's fair to say that everyone who pays to see an Indiana Jones movie expects to see him using the whip a few times. It doesn't have to be throughout the film, and it doesn't have to be constant, but nonetheless, it's something we expect him to get around to doing at some point. Like James Bond and his Martinis, the audience wants to see Indy cleverly swinging or grabbing things with a whip at opportune moments.
29.10.08
Jon Hamm is the new Alec Baldwin
Not in the acting or celebrity sense - in the Saturday Night Live hosting sense.
Like everyone else, I love Alec Baldwin's performances as SNL's default host, but at some point he's bound to get tired of the job, and once that happens, they're going to need someone to act as a go-to guy for hosting duties, and they won't find anyone better for the job than Jon Hamm.
Like everyone else, I love Alec Baldwin's performances as SNL's default host, but at some point he's bound to get tired of the job, and once that happens, they're going to need someone to act as a go-to guy for hosting duties, and they won't find anyone better for the job than Jon Hamm.
23.10.08
Thursday Night Avod!
Then it must be the Avod!
That's right, today marks the debut of the webternet's first audio-only vodcast!
A semi-regular feature here at the Castle, the Avod features the divemistress and myself disagreeing about the hot issues in modern genre fiction. Or at least the genre fiction of late August, because that's when the first episode was recorded. And one of the topics is a movie well over a year old that I just didn't get around to watching for quite a while.
But other than that, cutting edge.
So please, enjoy the Avod, which can be downloaded here!
Next time the issues we discuss will be ever so slightly more current: look forward to a discussion of Knight Rider! Maybe even the new one!
That's right, today marks the debut of the webternet's first audio-only vodcast!
A semi-regular feature here at the Castle, the Avod features the divemistress and myself disagreeing about the hot issues in modern genre fiction. Or at least the genre fiction of late August, because that's when the first episode was recorded. And one of the topics is a movie well over a year old that I just didn't get around to watching for quite a while.
But other than that, cutting edge.
So please, enjoy the Avod, which can be downloaded here!
Next time the issues we discuss will be ever so slightly more current: look forward to a discussion of Knight Rider! Maybe even the new one!
22.10.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 51
Day 51: Indiana Jones and the Useless Motorcycle
When one looks at all of the terrible payoffs that Indiana Jones and Crystal Kingdom offered, it's easy to miss the big setup that lacked a payoff of any kind. Of course, I speak of Shia Laboeuf's motorcycle.
The character Mutt Williams is introduced riding his motorcycle. This is because the entire visual of the character, no, the entire conception of the character, really only makes sense when associated with motorcycles. Take him away from them, and he starts to look a little silly. Just look at Fonzie. Riding into Arnold's? Great. Strapping on waterskis? Cliche-definingly awful.
When one looks at all of the terrible payoffs that Indiana Jones and Crystal Kingdom offered, it's easy to miss the big setup that lacked a payoff of any kind. Of course, I speak of Shia Laboeuf's motorcycle.
The character Mutt Williams is introduced riding his motorcycle. This is because the entire visual of the character, no, the entire conception of the character, really only makes sense when associated with motorcycles. Take him away from them, and he starts to look a little silly. Just look at Fonzie. Riding into Arnold's? Great. Strapping on waterskis? Cliche-definingly awful.
21.10.08
CSI Tuesday!
So after last week, when the opening line was so drab that I didn't bother writing about it, CSI: Miami storms back with a vengeance, with Caruso punning his way into television history with one of the most inappropriate things to say at a crime scene ever!
The Scene: Some teen girls have traveled to the near future, where clothing stores have clear panels on the dressing room doors so that people can ogle you while you change, and the mirrors have been replaced by million-dollar wall-sized touchscreen technology that can show you what you'd look like in any outfit, in any location!
When one of the teen girls is killed after that selfsame touchscreen explodes, Horatio is called to the scene, along with the new medical examiner, whose name I haven't learned, and who hasn't made the opening credits, but whose habit of not gently fondling the hair of dead people has already endeared her to me more than Catherine from NewsRadio, who she's replacing.
Generic ME: Horatio, why target a fashion boutique? It seems too random.
Horatio Caine: On the contrary, this was by design.
The Scene: Some teen girls have traveled to the near future, where clothing stores have clear panels on the dressing room doors so that people can ogle you while you change, and the mirrors have been replaced by million-dollar wall-sized touchscreen technology that can show you what you'd look like in any outfit, in any location!
When one of the teen girls is killed after that selfsame touchscreen explodes, Horatio is called to the scene, along with the new medical examiner, whose name I haven't learned, and who hasn't made the opening credits, but whose habit of not gently fondling the hair of dead people has already endeared her to me more than Catherine from NewsRadio, who she's replacing.
Generic ME: Horatio, why target a fashion boutique? It seems too random.
Horatio Caine: On the contrary, this was by design.
20.10.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 50
Day 50: Indiana Jones and the Freudian Interpretation
Today's problem isn't a very large one, but it is indicative of the kind of tone that the film was going for. My real problem is with that overall tone, and therefore these little details really irk me, since each once contributes in its own awful way to to the disastrous overall picture that is Indiana Jones and the Pyramid of the Plastic Head.
This particular scene occurs when Cate Blanchett arrives inside the Area 51 warehouse. Now, for the entire film up until this point Cate Blanchett has had a sword clipped to her belt. The average viewer might find this decision puzzling. After all, why on earth would someone would wear a sword in the middle of the desert during a secret military operation? It's not like she's in America to fight dragons, pirates, or Zorros. Any of those might have improved the film, but sadly, it wasn't to be. Add to this the fact that she spends a good portion of the scene climbing into and out of vehicles, and the sword becomes a ridiculous choice.
Today's problem isn't a very large one, but it is indicative of the kind of tone that the film was going for. My real problem is with that overall tone, and therefore these little details really irk me, since each once contributes in its own awful way to to the disastrous overall picture that is Indiana Jones and the Pyramid of the Plastic Head.
This particular scene occurs when Cate Blanchett arrives inside the Area 51 warehouse. Now, for the entire film up until this point Cate Blanchett has had a sword clipped to her belt. The average viewer might find this decision puzzling. After all, why on earth would someone would wear a sword in the middle of the desert during a secret military operation? It's not like she's in America to fight dragons, pirates, or Zorros. Any of those might have improved the film, but sadly, it wasn't to be. Add to this the fact that she spends a good portion of the scene climbing into and out of vehicles, and the sword becomes a ridiculous choice.
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