Tales From the Darkside 205: Halloween Candy

So there's this crabby old man who lives alone in a house, tormenting his only son whenever the young man is foolish enough to stop by with some groceries. There's only one thing this man hates more than family or life, however - and that's Halloween! So, if the title wasn't enough of a clue, that's when the episode is set.

Despite the fact that the son goes so far as to bring the old man candy to distribute, the old scrooge refuses to give any of it out. He feels that children don't deserve any candy, but the son explains that 'deserve' doesn't enter into it. It's just something that you do in order to be part of society, and to avoid consequences.

I feel that I may know where this is going, and not just because I've seen recent movie Trick 'R Treat.

The son heads out to go back to work, reminding his father that Halloween is just a single night a year in which he's forced to be sociable, and it wouldn't kill him to do it. Ah, foreshadowing.

Despite all his son's warnings, the old man not only doesn't give out any candy, but yells at and threatens any children foolish enough to knock on his front door! He even gives one kid a nasty surprise, filling his candy bowl up with honey, glue, and mayonnaise, and calling it 'Goblin Candy' before pouring it into the child's pillowcase.

Everything's going according to plan for the old scrooge, up until this little guy shows up at his door-

Yup, as with all great Halloween Scrooge stories, a real monster shows up on his doorstep! The old man tries to ignore the actual goblin, but it walks into his house uninvited - and in throwing it out, he accidentally breaks his watch!

While the goblin has left without too much incident, his burlap sack remains inside the house, and as the old man sits in his armchair, he notices it begin to crawl along the floor towards him. The old man goes over to investigate, and finds the sack filled with cockroaches! He tries to call his son for help, but the only number he can reach is an automated line telling him the current time is midnight, over and over again!

Confused and frightened, the old man retreats to his chair, hoping to simply sit down and wait out the rest of the night. There's one problem, though - no matter how long he sleeps, it's always midnight outside, just like on his broken watch! The old man stumbles around the house, trying to figure out why Halloween just won't end, until finally the goblin returns, larger and scarier this time-

The old man recoils in terror and topples over a nearby table, then falls to the ground, dead. Was it fright that did him in, or the fall? Turns out neither - when the police talk to the son the next day, they warn him he might be charged with neglect - after all, his father seemingly died of starvation, living in the house for weeks with nothing but a bag of halloween candy for food!


Well, at least we all learned a valuable lesson from this episode - don't excessively hate a specific day, or a goblin may make it be that day... forever!

Wait, wasn't that the plot of Groundhog Day?

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