Day 31: Indiana Jones and the Russian Stand-Off
The Mexican standoff is a relatively common device in film. It's a situation where two characters or groups are on completely equal footing and are therefore unable to act, because they're afraid that they won't have a good chance of a positive result. The most common occurrence of the situation involves people pointing guns at one either at close range. Either one could pull the trigger, but since they can't be guaranteed that their opponent won't get off a shot before dying, they know that they only have a 50-50 chance of coming out of the situation alive. Not great odds to risk a life on.
The most common way of resolving the situation -- so common in fact it has become something of a cliché -- is having a third character appear behind a character in the standoff putting a gun to one of the characters' backs, changing the odds drastically. What's interesting here is that the odds have not changed completely. Since the character with a gun to their back is still completely able to shoot the person they're aiming at, they're just at a much greater disadvantage. Now the person with the gun to their back has a 100 percent chance of dying, which forces them to choose between surrendering, and mutually assured destruction.
22.9.08
Welcome Back, CSI-
So I've spent all summer waiting to find out just who shot Horatio Caine, and just where he was shot (i.e. whether it was fatal or not). Whoever it was, the season ender wrapped up with a fairly broad hint that the Unpleasantly Smug member of the CSI crew was somehow involved in the killing. Personally, I'm hoping it was Kim Coates, since I'm a fan of that actor, and it's good to see him getting work.
The biggest question, though, is whether there's going to be an ironic quip and 'throw-to-the-credits', since Horatio's not around to do it. Will they avoid the ironic quip entirely? Will everyone take off their sunglasses at once, and observe a moment of silent respect for he whose sunglasses shall be taken off no more? Only time will tell, if by time you mean one minute, because that's when the new episode starts.
The biggest question, though, is whether there's going to be an ironic quip and 'throw-to-the-credits', since Horatio's not around to do it. Will they avoid the ironic quip entirely? Will everyone take off their sunglasses at once, and observe a moment of silent respect for he whose sunglasses shall be taken off no more? Only time will tell, if by time you mean one minute, because that's when the new episode starts.
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 30
Day 30: Indiana Jones and the Pointless Betrayal
You may have noticed during my recount of the film's dire jungle chase sequence that I rarely describe the actions of Ray Winstone, Indy's treacherous sidekick, who was along for the ride. Then again, you may not have noticed, given what an entirely superfluous and irrelevant character his is. Well, I'll fix that oversight and fill you in now, because it's time to cover yet another one of Ray's totally irrelevant attempts to betray Indy.
During the chase Harrison Ford leaps into the same Ray is in and takes the opportunity to beat him senseless, what with the betrayal and everything. Between punches Mac manages to convince Indy that he isn't actually working for the Russians but is rather a double agent working for the CIA. Of course, Harrison Ford would have to be an idiot to believe this, so it should come as no surprise to anyone, given how the character's been portrayed for the rest of the film, that he accepts Mac's story right away. Indy allows Ray to tag along with them as they drive off a cliff and then ride their tiny metal boat down three successive waterfalls, the last leg of the trip before reaching the valley of the Crystal skull.
You may have noticed during my recount of the film's dire jungle chase sequence that I rarely describe the actions of Ray Winstone, Indy's treacherous sidekick, who was along for the ride. Then again, you may not have noticed, given what an entirely superfluous and irrelevant character his is. Well, I'll fix that oversight and fill you in now, because it's time to cover yet another one of Ray's totally irrelevant attempts to betray Indy.
During the chase Harrison Ford leaps into the same Ray is in and takes the opportunity to beat him senseless, what with the betrayal and everything. Between punches Mac manages to convince Indy that he isn't actually working for the Russians but is rather a double agent working for the CIA. Of course, Harrison Ford would have to be an idiot to believe this, so it should come as no surprise to anyone, given how the character's been portrayed for the rest of the film, that he accepts Mac's story right away. Indy allows Ray to tag along with them as they drive off a cliff and then ride their tiny metal boat down three successive waterfalls, the last leg of the trip before reaching the valley of the Crystal skull.
21.9.08
The Jury's Still Out on Fringe
So "Fringe" is the new forensic procedural show on television, but instead of being about pathology, evidence gathering, bone analysis, or glowering*, it's about Mad Science. As a fan of Mad Science, obviously I tuned in.
On the good side, it's considerably longer than most television shows - with commercials eating into program time more and more each year, there's few shows that cross the 45-minute mark these days. A few episodes of Smallville last year clocked in under 40. So it's nice to see Fringe doing a 80 minute pilot, and the second episode was 49 and change. It really feels like I'm getting a lot of content for my viewing investment.
On the good side, it's considerably longer than most television shows - with commercials eating into program time more and more each year, there's few shows that cross the 45-minute mark these days. A few episodes of Smallville last year clocked in under 40. So it's nice to see Fringe doing a 80 minute pilot, and the second episode was 49 and change. It really feels like I'm getting a lot of content for my viewing investment.
19.9.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 29
Day 29: Indiana Jones and the (Far-Too) Lucky Escape (Part 2)
And now for the final entry in my series of articles about Indiana Jones and the Endless Jungle Chase. Today I'm going to cover the last section of the chase, Harrisn Ford & Co.'s miraculous escape from the Communists who, when we last left them, had cornered our heroes at the edge of a cliff.
Well, that's not entirely accurate. If you'll recall yesterday's article, although by all rights the Commies should have had Harrison Ford and Family trapped, instead they made the questionable decision to put away their guns and start climbing down the cliff before Indiana Jones had gotten anywhere near it. As a result, when Karen Allen drives up in her amphibious jeep and encourages Harrison Ford to hop in so they can make a quick getaway, eight assault rifles don't open up at all at once and cut them all to tiny pieces.
And now for the final entry in my series of articles about Indiana Jones and the Endless Jungle Chase. Today I'm going to cover the last section of the chase, Harrisn Ford & Co.'s miraculous escape from the Communists who, when we last left them, had cornered our heroes at the edge of a cliff.
Well, that's not entirely accurate. If you'll recall yesterday's article, although by all rights the Commies should have had Harrison Ford and Family trapped, instead they made the questionable decision to put away their guns and start climbing down the cliff before Indiana Jones had gotten anywhere near it. As a result, when Karen Allen drives up in her amphibious jeep and encourages Harrison Ford to hop in so they can make a quick getaway, eight assault rifles don't open up at all at once and cut them all to tiny pieces.
18.9.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 28
Day 28: Indiana Jones and the Non-Sense of Location
Ah, it seems we're drawing close to the end of my series of articles about Indiana Jones and the Interminable Jungle Chase. If you're wondering just how long and tedious that chase scene actually was, imagine this: If one were to read all of my articles about the chase scene aloud, it would take two minutes less than actually watching that selfsame sequence.
Today my plan is to discuss a place where the film's direction and editing completely parts ways with every rule of decent filmmaking there is, creating an action scene that makes no sense while seeming to take place nowhere.
Ah, it seems we're drawing close to the end of my series of articles about Indiana Jones and the Interminable Jungle Chase. If you're wondering just how long and tedious that chase scene actually was, imagine this: If one were to read all of my articles about the chase scene aloud, it would take two minutes less than actually watching that selfsame sequence.
Today my plan is to discuss a place where the film's direction and editing completely parts ways with every rule of decent filmmaking there is, creating an action scene that makes no sense while seeming to take place nowhere.
17.9.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 27
Day 27: Indiana Jones and the King of the Monkeys
In yesterday's post I mentioned in passing another incredibly stupid aspect of the jungle chase. When Shia Laboeuf elects to, ridiculously, go vine swinging through the jungle after the jeeps, a platoon of monkeys go right along with him. They race through the vines and leap out onto the cliffside, even going so far as to beat a Commie up, causing his jeep to go flying off the edge of the cliff.
Like Laboeuf's Tarzan-esque swinging ability that lies at the heart of this sequence, the monkeys themselves are such a ridiculous and unnecessary addition that I can't understand how it ever seemed like a good idea to include them.
In yesterday's post I mentioned in passing another incredibly stupid aspect of the jungle chase. When Shia Laboeuf elects to, ridiculously, go vine swinging through the jungle after the jeeps, a platoon of monkeys go right along with him. They race through the vines and leap out onto the cliffside, even going so far as to beat a Commie up, causing his jeep to go flying off the edge of the cliff.
Like Laboeuf's Tarzan-esque swinging ability that lies at the heart of this sequence, the monkeys themselves are such a ridiculous and unnecessary addition that I can't understand how it ever seemed like a good idea to include them.
16.9.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 26
Day 26: Indiana Jones and the Unforeshadowable Ability
Last time out, I covered the film's a laughable attempts to foreshadow Shia Laboeuf's swordfighting abilities. While I've established that it can be difficult to foreshadow things without telegraphing them awkwardly. At the same time, it's important to note that every now and then foreshadowing is completely impossible. This is a problem that laughs in the face of even the greatest writer.
Just as the Jeep chase begins to wind down (about five minutes after it wore out its welcome with the audience) Shia Laboeuf finds himself snatched from his place atop the Jeep by a low hanging vine, then pulled into the jungle canopy above. There he finds an army of monkeys that stare curiously at him, then swing off into the jungle. Wasting no time such basic things as shock or confusion, Laboeuf follows their example and goes swinging through a series of vines in pursuit of the jeep convoy.
Last time out, I covered the film's a laughable attempts to foreshadow Shia Laboeuf's swordfighting abilities. While I've established that it can be difficult to foreshadow things without telegraphing them awkwardly. At the same time, it's important to note that every now and then foreshadowing is completely impossible. This is a problem that laughs in the face of even the greatest writer.
Just as the Jeep chase begins to wind down (about five minutes after it wore out its welcome with the audience) Shia Laboeuf finds himself snatched from his place atop the Jeep by a low hanging vine, then pulled into the jungle canopy above. There he finds an army of monkeys that stare curiously at him, then swing off into the jungle. Wasting no time such basic things as shock or confusion, Laboeuf follows their example and goes swinging through a series of vines in pursuit of the jeep convoy.
15.9.08
Back from vacation!
That's right, my long vacation is over, and I've returned with the television season, to continue chronicling my disapproval of Indiana Jones, CSI Miami, and a few other regular shows, as well as anything else that catches my fancy. Or really, anti-fancy, since it's going to be mostly complaints.
First up, though, to mention a film I saw during hiatus, and the amazing theme I've discovered in Gwyneth Paltrow's films. The movie was something called 'The Good Night', which, by and large, was a completely by-the-numbers mid-life crisis thing, where a guy realizes that his life hasn't turned out the way he hoped it would, so he gets into something weird to recapture some happiness. In this case, the guy was Martin Freeman, who, despite being the star of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, is still best known for playing Tim on The Office. The weird thing he gets into is lucid dreaming, wherein the participant controls their own dreams while asleep, allowing them to live out fantasies.
First up, though, to mention a film I saw during hiatus, and the amazing theme I've discovered in Gwyneth Paltrow's films. The movie was something called 'The Good Night', which, by and large, was a completely by-the-numbers mid-life crisis thing, where a guy realizes that his life hasn't turned out the way he hoped it would, so he gets into something weird to recapture some happiness. In this case, the guy was Martin Freeman, who, despite being the star of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, is still best known for playing Tim on The Office. The weird thing he gets into is lucid dreaming, wherein the participant controls their own dreams while asleep, allowing them to live out fantasies.
1.8.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 25
Day 25: Indiana Jones and the Awkwardly Foreshadowed Ability
Foreshadowing is always tricky business. The fact is, especially in an action-adventure film, characters are going to have to perform some amazing feats, and if these abilities materialize suddenly without any explanation, you risk losing believability with the audience.
So it's important to establish that characters can perform certain actions so it won't seem awkward later on, but it's equally important to make sure that foreshadowing is as seamless as possible. At its best, foreshadowing is demonstrated through actions, with characters performing a task on a small scale at the beginning of the story, then on a large, impressive scale right at the end. If that's not possible, the next best kind of foreshadowing is to fit it seamlessly into dialogue. Find a way to have characters discussing a related topic drop character information into the conversation. It's a little worse than the first way, but if done correctly, it can be worked into the film without being too noticeable.
Foreshadowing is always tricky business. The fact is, especially in an action-adventure film, characters are going to have to perform some amazing feats, and if these abilities materialize suddenly without any explanation, you risk losing believability with the audience.
So it's important to establish that characters can perform certain actions so it won't seem awkward later on, but it's equally important to make sure that foreshadowing is as seamless as possible. At its best, foreshadowing is demonstrated through actions, with characters performing a task on a small scale at the beginning of the story, then on a large, impressive scale right at the end. If that's not possible, the next best kind of foreshadowing is to fit it seamlessly into dialogue. Find a way to have characters discussing a related topic drop character information into the conversation. It's a little worse than the first way, but if done correctly, it can be worked into the film without being too noticeable.
30.7.08
How to Ruin Your Own Movie: The X-Files: I Want to Believe Edition
Yes, I'm a fan of the X-Files. Right from the start I never missed an episode, even as I winced each time they offered their cute twist on some popular horror or sci-fi film. I laughed along with everyone else whenever Darren Morgan wrote an episode, I covered my eyes along with everyone else during the one about the inbred hillbillies who loved bludgeoning people to death, and, like everyone else, I felt pity for Stephen King when he turned in perhaps the worst script of his career, "Chinga". And that's in a career marked prominently by the utter awfulness of his original screen- and teleplays.
That being said, I was never a big fan of the show's 'mythology'. By the time the movie came around it was pretty clear they had no idea where they were going and that everything was being made up as they went along, and I noticed just how much, on average, the 'monster of the week' episodes were superior to the ongoing alien mystery episodes.
So when I heard the X-Files movie was going to be an entertaining one-off thriller, I was excited.
That being said, I was never a big fan of the show's 'mythology'. By the time the movie came around it was pretty clear they had no idea where they were going and that everything was being made up as they went along, and I noticed just how much, on average, the 'monster of the week' episodes were superior to the ongoing alien mystery episodes.
So when I heard the X-Files movie was going to be an entertaining one-off thriller, I was excited.
Bat-News!
Here's an article from industry news section of the IMDB:
29 July 2008 10:16 AM, PDT
The Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan has told reporters in Tokyo that he has no idea why his Batman movie is breaking box-office records. "I would not be able to point to exactly what it is," he said. "If I knew that all my films would have been successful." Final weekend figures confirmed Monday that the movie has broken yet another record -- best second-week performance of any film. The movie earned $75.2 million, which brought its 10-day total to more than $300 million, according to box-office trackers Media by Numbers. (The results somewhat diminished the achievement of Sony's Hancock, starring Will Smith, which crossed the $200-million mark after four weeks.) The film is now taking aim at Titanic's record of $600.8 million in ticket sales -- by far the top money maker of all time.
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 24
Day 24: Indiana Jones and the Extremely Personal Injury
So Shia LaBoeuf is standing on the back of a jeep, swordfighting with Cate Blanchett, who’s standing on the back of another jeep that’s driving unusually close by. During this swordfight, something unusual happens. Shia’s balance slips and he winds up with a foot on either jeep.
And then things get profoundly stupid. This is partly because, since the Jeeps aren’t on tracks, like, for example, mine carts, and they can freely swerve back and forth across the surprisingly well-cleared jungle. This raises the immediate question of why he ends up stuck between the jeeps at all. The second he wound up even a little stuck, wouldn’t the good jeep swerve towards the bad one, to let him get back on it? Or the bad jeep swerve away, to cause him to fall to the jungle floor? But they do neither. No, they just drive in straight lines, both because it’s easier to work the greenscreened background if the prop jeeps don’t move much, and because they wanted to get to the profoundly stupid thing that happened next.
So Shia LaBoeuf is standing on the back of a jeep, swordfighting with Cate Blanchett, who’s standing on the back of another jeep that’s driving unusually close by. During this swordfight, something unusual happens. Shia’s balance slips and he winds up with a foot on either jeep.
And then things get profoundly stupid. This is partly because, since the Jeeps aren’t on tracks, like, for example, mine carts, and they can freely swerve back and forth across the surprisingly well-cleared jungle. This raises the immediate question of why he ends up stuck between the jeeps at all. The second he wound up even a little stuck, wouldn’t the good jeep swerve towards the bad one, to let him get back on it? Or the bad jeep swerve away, to cause him to fall to the jungle floor? But they do neither. No, they just drive in straight lines, both because it’s easier to work the greenscreened background if the prop jeeps don’t move much, and because they wanted to get to the profoundly stupid thing that happened next.
26.7.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 23
Day 23: Indiana Jones and the Poorly-Composited Image
Ah, the green screen, filmmaking's ultimate cheat.
In the early days of special effects, all they had was rear-projection. Put the actors in front of a screen and have a projector showing footage of a fantastical location behind them. It never looked especially good, and was generally just used to show the background in scenes where characters are in a moving vehicle, as it was cheaper than driving around for hours outdoors with a camera strapped to the car, praying that it didn't start raining.
Ah, the green screen, filmmaking's ultimate cheat.
In the early days of special effects, all they had was rear-projection. Put the actors in front of a screen and have a projector showing footage of a fantastical location behind them. It never looked especially good, and was generally just used to show the background in scenes where characters are in a moving vehicle, as it was cheaper than driving around for hours outdoors with a camera strapped to the car, praying that it didn't start raining.
24.7.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 22
Day 22: Indiana Jones and the Contrabulous Fabtraption
I've talked about suspension of disbelief before, and just what we, the audience, are prepared to accept from our films. It's all about tone and premise. In a film about a fantasy world like Lord of the Rings, we accept wizards because they fit the premise. In a steampunk film like Wild Wild West, we accept the presence of giant robot spiders. Well, I do, since apparently no one else actually saw the film Wild Wild West.
No, this isn't about aliens, and whether or not they belong in an Indiana Jones film, that's going to be saved for another day. Yes, aliens show up in this movie, but that doesn't mean anything goes. In fact, having aliens appear is only shocking if the rest of the film is set in the 'real' world.
I've talked about suspension of disbelief before, and just what we, the audience, are prepared to accept from our films. It's all about tone and premise. In a film about a fantasy world like Lord of the Rings, we accept wizards because they fit the premise. In a steampunk film like Wild Wild West, we accept the presence of giant robot spiders. Well, I do, since apparently no one else actually saw the film Wild Wild West.
No, this isn't about aliens, and whether or not they belong in an Indiana Jones film, that's going to be saved for another day. Yes, aliens show up in this movie, but that doesn't mean anything goes. In fact, having aliens appear is only shocking if the rest of the film is set in the 'real' world.
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