Day 18: Indiana Jones and the Incredibly Cheap Prop
There's a common failure, when creating props, to consider the realistic properties of the things being recreated in prop form. People carry rubber guns that weigh a fraction of what a real gun does, they can't even be bothered to fill a fake coffee cup with water to keep actors from waving their arms around unrealistically. It's yet another example of filmmakers just not paying enough attention to the movies that they're making, and it goes a long way to destroying the illusion of reality that a film attempts to create.
8.7.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 17
Day 17: Indiana Jones and the Maybe Magnetic Skull
As if Cate's spotty psychic powers weren't bad enough, there's another intermittently present supernatural power in the film, the Crystal Skull's SuperMagnetism.
The audience is first introduced to the Crystal Skull's amazing power right at the beginning of the film when, faced with the prospect of searching through the entire gigantic warehouse for the alien corpse from the Roswell crash, Indy remembers that the 'item' is incredibly magnetic. So magnetic, in fact, that he's able to toss gunpowder into the air, where the trace metals pull it in the direction of the corpse. When he gets close enough, Indy switches to ball bearings, which he throws into a row of crates, assured that the magnetic corpse will pull them in, revealing in which crate the body is contained.
As if Cate's spotty psychic powers weren't bad enough, there's another intermittently present supernatural power in the film, the Crystal Skull's SuperMagnetism.
The audience is first introduced to the Crystal Skull's amazing power right at the beginning of the film when, faced with the prospect of searching through the entire gigantic warehouse for the alien corpse from the Roswell crash, Indy remembers that the 'item' is incredibly magnetic. So magnetic, in fact, that he's able to toss gunpowder into the air, where the trace metals pull it in the direction of the corpse. When he gets close enough, Indy switches to ball bearings, which he throws into a row of crates, assured that the magnetic corpse will pull them in, revealing in which crate the body is contained.
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 16
Day 16: Indiana Jones and the Possible Psychic
The anonymous poster from yesterday brought up an interesting point about the film's various failures in re: The Villain. It's not just the introduction they botched, it's the entire character. Specifically, the special ability her entire character is based around. For the entire film, I kept wondering 'Wait, is she supposed to be actually psychic, or isn't she?' After the initial failure, I assumed that her supposed 'abilities' were going to be played for laughs, as she went on to not read other people's minds at key moments.
The anonymous poster from yesterday brought up an interesting point about the film's various failures in re: The Villain. It's not just the introduction they botched, it's the entire character. Specifically, the special ability her entire character is based around. For the entire film, I kept wondering 'Wait, is she supposed to be actually psychic, or isn't she?' After the initial failure, I assumed that her supposed 'abilities' were going to be played for laughs, as she went on to not read other people's minds at key moments.
7.7.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 15
Day 15: Indiana Jones and the Botched Villain Introduction
A villain's introduction is incredibly important. By definition it's the first time the audience meets them, and the impression created will stay with the audience for the rest of the film, and, if it's good enough, far beyond. Who can forget the first time they saw Darth Vader? The clean white hallways suddenly poisoned by the addition of Vader, darkening the world around him as he strides through it.
By the way, and this is wholly unrelated, watch the first Star Wars movie again - Darth is clearly a name, not a title. No matter how hard he tries, George Lucas can't write his way around that one.
A villain's introduction is incredibly important. By definition it's the first time the audience meets them, and the impression created will stay with the audience for the rest of the film, and, if it's good enough, far beyond. Who can forget the first time they saw Darth Vader? The clean white hallways suddenly poisoned by the addition of Vader, darkening the world around him as he strides through it.
By the way, and this is wholly unrelated, watch the first Star Wars movie again - Darth is clearly a name, not a title. No matter how hard he tries, George Lucas can't write his way around that one.
5.7.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 14
Day 14: Indiana Jones and the Happy Days
One of the things I've always loved about the Indiana Jones films is that they never get too wrapped up in their setting. Other than the presence of Nazis as the villains, there's nothing in the film Raiders of the Lost Ark that establishes it as being set in any particular time. The cars are old, and the planes are old, but there's no other nods to the fact that the films are taking place in the past. Although the way the characters speak may actually be anachronistic, it doesn't have the appearance of an error. Everyone speaks in such a clear, unaffected manner that the audience accepts it as universal communication. These are the kinds of things that people have always said to one another, and the removal of both current and historic colloquialisms give the impression of 'translated' dialogue. Perhaps this isn't the exact way those characters would have talked had they existed at that time, but we assume that their speech has been translated for our benefit, the way people don't speak Ancient Welsh in movies about King Arthur.
One of the things I've always loved about the Indiana Jones films is that they never get too wrapped up in their setting. Other than the presence of Nazis as the villains, there's nothing in the film Raiders of the Lost Ark that establishes it as being set in any particular time. The cars are old, and the planes are old, but there's no other nods to the fact that the films are taking place in the past. Although the way the characters speak may actually be anachronistic, it doesn't have the appearance of an error. Everyone speaks in such a clear, unaffected manner that the audience accepts it as universal communication. These are the kinds of things that people have always said to one another, and the removal of both current and historic colloquialisms give the impression of 'translated' dialogue. Perhaps this isn't the exact way those characters would have talked had they existed at that time, but we assume that their speech has been translated for our benefit, the way people don't speak Ancient Welsh in movies about King Arthur.
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 13
Day 13: Indiana Jones and the All-Star Cast
All-star casts offer both strengths and weaknesses to a film. The various actors' appropriateness and ability for the part they've been cast in aside, the general idea behind the all-star cast is that each celebrity brings their own fanbase to the theatre, multiplying a film's appeal with each additional name added to the roster of star. The drawback to this is that by casting celebrities all the key (and most of the secondary) parts, the entire concept of suspension of disbelief is mostly thrown out of the window. If the audience is constantly perched at the edge of their seat, waiting to see which part a given celebrity will play, they're not thinking about the plot. If they're constantly thinking to themselves "Hey, isn't that ******", and elbowing their neighbor to register the recognition, they're not being carried away by the story.
All-star casts offer both strengths and weaknesses to a film. The various actors' appropriateness and ability for the part they've been cast in aside, the general idea behind the all-star cast is that each celebrity brings their own fanbase to the theatre, multiplying a film's appeal with each additional name added to the roster of star. The drawback to this is that by casting celebrities all the key (and most of the secondary) parts, the entire concept of suspension of disbelief is mostly thrown out of the window. If the audience is constantly perched at the edge of their seat, waiting to see which part a given celebrity will play, they're not thinking about the plot. If they're constantly thinking to themselves "Hey, isn't that ******", and elbowing their neighbor to register the recognition, they're not being carried away by the story.
24.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 12
Day 12: Indiana Jones and the Atomic Fridge
This one is so screamingly obvious that I can't believe it made it into the film. Profoundly stupid doesn't begin to describe it. I didn't see Crystal Skull the day it came out, I waited a few days and caught it on the next Tuesday. In that five day period, nearly everyone I know saw the film, and each one, talking to me afterwards, was suspiciously cagey about giving me details about the film. In retrospect, it seems they were trying to protect me from going in with any preconceptions that may lead me to be too harsh in condemning the film.
The most detailed information I received was from my colleague Mer-Man while discussing one of the most entertaining parts of the first three Indiana Jones films, just how viciously beat up Harrison Ford gets before managing to pull through and succeed. He maintained that no matter how severe those beatings were, Indiana Jones could have plausibly survived them, and that his survival tagged him not as some sort of superhuman, but just a man with an unusual measure of determination. "This time," Mer-Man explained, "it seemed like the filmmakers were totally unaware of just how little it takes to kill a human being."
This one is so screamingly obvious that I can't believe it made it into the film. Profoundly stupid doesn't begin to describe it. I didn't see Crystal Skull the day it came out, I waited a few days and caught it on the next Tuesday. In that five day period, nearly everyone I know saw the film, and each one, talking to me afterwards, was suspiciously cagey about giving me details about the film. In retrospect, it seems they were trying to protect me from going in with any preconceptions that may lead me to be too harsh in condemning the film.
The most detailed information I received was from my colleague Mer-Man while discussing one of the most entertaining parts of the first three Indiana Jones films, just how viciously beat up Harrison Ford gets before managing to pull through and succeed. He maintained that no matter how severe those beatings were, Indiana Jones could have plausibly survived them, and that his survival tagged him not as some sort of superhuman, but just a man with an unusual measure of determination. "This time," Mer-Man explained, "it seemed like the filmmakers were totally unaware of just how little it takes to kill a human being."
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 11
Day 11: Indiana Jones and the Anachronistic Dialogue
Making movies is hard, demanding work. Given that there are dozens of people running off in all directions at any given moment, the fact that they manage to put together anything resembling a work of art can be considered something of a minor miracle.
Mounting a period piece is an even more daunting prospect, and filmmaking mistakes are to be expected, and should be forgiven so long as they're not egregious. Rounding up period props is always difficult, so if a certain make of car wasn't available until a few years after the film was set, or if a beer can uses the modern logo rather than the classic one, it can be overlooked so long as it doesn't affect the overall setting.
Making movies is hard, demanding work. Given that there are dozens of people running off in all directions at any given moment, the fact that they manage to put together anything resembling a work of art can be considered something of a minor miracle.
Mounting a period piece is an even more daunting prospect, and filmmaking mistakes are to be expected, and should be forgiven so long as they're not egregious. Rounding up period props is always difficult, so if a certain make of car wasn't available until a few years after the film was set, or if a beer can uses the modern logo rather than the classic one, it can be overlooked so long as it doesn't affect the overall setting.
23.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 10
Day 10: Indiana Jones and the Two-Dimensional World
Despite the best efforts of Friday the 13th, Jaws, and, to a far, far, lesser extent, Freddy's Dead, films still reside solely in the realm of two dimensionality. No matter how well-composed or vivid an image might be, the viewer only ever experiences it as a flat plane. This phenomenon gives the filmmakers a wide set of tools to play with in tricking the audience. Without two dimensionality, there would be no forced perspective, background matting, or rear-projection, and the dark past of pre-computer effects would have been a very different place.
With this ability comes the temptation for filmmakers to abuse the goodwill of their audience and use two-dimensionality to manipulate what they see in an unrealistic and unfair fashion - by attributing the inability to see in three dimensions to the characters within the film. While not as dire a practice as the similar filmmaking failure, offscreen invisibility, two-dimensional reality is still the hallmark of lazy direction and editing.
Despite the best efforts of Friday the 13th, Jaws, and, to a far, far, lesser extent, Freddy's Dead, films still reside solely in the realm of two dimensionality. No matter how well-composed or vivid an image might be, the viewer only ever experiences it as a flat plane. This phenomenon gives the filmmakers a wide set of tools to play with in tricking the audience. Without two dimensionality, there would be no forced perspective, background matting, or rear-projection, and the dark past of pre-computer effects would have been a very different place.
With this ability comes the temptation for filmmakers to abuse the goodwill of their audience and use two-dimensionality to manipulate what they see in an unrealistic and unfair fashion - by attributing the inability to see in three dimensions to the characters within the film. While not as dire a practice as the similar filmmaking failure, offscreen invisibility, two-dimensional reality is still the hallmark of lazy direction and editing.
21.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 9
Day 9: Indiana Jones and the Insecure Government Facility
If there's one thing Area 51 is famous for, it's the site's relative impregnability. Despite half a century of fame as the most important location in conspiracy lore and alien mysteries, it has never been successfully infiltrated or exposed in any way.
Naturally, the cachet the location carries in the public's mind means that Area 51 shows up an awful lot in fiction, always depicted as the repository of the most absolutely secret and vital experiments and monsters that the US government can find, steal, or bio-engineer.
If there's one thing Area 51 is famous for, it's the site's relative impregnability. Despite half a century of fame as the most important location in conspiracy lore and alien mysteries, it has never been successfully infiltrated or exposed in any way.
Naturally, the cachet the location carries in the public's mind means that Area 51 shows up an awful lot in fiction, always depicted as the repository of the most absolutely secret and vital experiments and monsters that the US government can find, steal, or bio-engineer.
20.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 8
Day 8: Indiana Jones and the Way-Too-Cute Callback
While I'm on the subject of Indiana Jones' trip to the mysterious Area 51, it's important to mention how hangar 51 is depicted in the film. It's not a hangar for the storage of secret aircraft, or even a workshop for tweaking and altering of said aircraft, but rather the warehouse where the government stacks crate after crate of mysterious and secret paraphernalia, including the Ark of the Covenant.
What's that, you ask? The Ark of the Covenant? The box that the Jews used to haul the Ten Commandments around? The actual stone tablets? Yes, that Ark of the Covenant, last seen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, being shut in an anonymous box and wheeled off into a secret government storage facility. Wait a minute... government storage facility? Could that place at the end of Raiders have been Area 51?
Well, no.
While I'm on the subject of Indiana Jones' trip to the mysterious Area 51, it's important to mention how hangar 51 is depicted in the film. It's not a hangar for the storage of secret aircraft, or even a workshop for tweaking and altering of said aircraft, but rather the warehouse where the government stacks crate after crate of mysterious and secret paraphernalia, including the Ark of the Covenant.
What's that, you ask? The Ark of the Covenant? The box that the Jews used to haul the Ten Commandments around? The actual stone tablets? Yes, that Ark of the Covenant, last seen at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, being shut in an anonymous box and wheeled off into a secret government storage facility. Wait a minute... government storage facility? Could that place at the end of Raiders have been Area 51?
Well, no.
4.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 7
Day 7: Indiana Jones and the (far too) Lucky Escape
So Harrison Ford finds himself standing in the famous 'Hangar 51', the giant secret warehouse at the heart of Area 51. A dozen commies are pointing guns at him, and he's got a rifle in his hands. Obviously he can't shoot his way out, both because it would be suicidal to try, and because Steven Spielberg won't allow the hero of a film to ever solve a problem with a gun.
Knowing these two facts, I was excited to see how Indiana Jones was going to get out of the situation. While he may not be the type to have a plan for every situation, Indiana Jones has a combination of innate scrappiness and a talent for improvisation that manages to get him out of even the toughest scrapes.
So Harrison Ford finds himself standing in the famous 'Hangar 51', the giant secret warehouse at the heart of Area 51. A dozen commies are pointing guns at him, and he's got a rifle in his hands. Obviously he can't shoot his way out, both because it would be suicidal to try, and because Steven Spielberg won't allow the hero of a film to ever solve a problem with a gun.
Knowing these two facts, I was excited to see how Indiana Jones was going to get out of the situation. While he may not be the type to have a plan for every situation, Indiana Jones has a combination of innate scrappiness and a talent for improvisation that manages to get him out of even the toughest scrapes.
2.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 6
Day 6: Indiana Jones and the Unrelated Opening
Again, I'm going to go to history for this one. The first images of an Indiana Jones film are crucial to setting a tone for the rest of the film. Raiders of the Lost Ark takes its sweet time actually giving us a look at Indiana Jones. We stay with images of the people following him. They're in over their head, and a little fearful of the man in the hat and leather jacket. And who can blame them? From their sweatiness we can glean that it's unpleasantly hot in the South American jungle, and he's wearing a hat and Leather Jacket.
Temple of Doom opens not with Indiana Jones, but Willie Scott, singing a Mandarin version of "Anything Goes". It's a bizarre, entertaining cabaret act that transforms halfway through into a fantastic Busby Berkeley routine, and it sets a playful, fanciful tone that will be subverted half an hour later when we realize that the film is actually about child slavery and human sacrifice. Maybe not the wisest decision, but certainly an interesting one.
Again, I'm going to go to history for this one. The first images of an Indiana Jones film are crucial to setting a tone for the rest of the film. Raiders of the Lost Ark takes its sweet time actually giving us a look at Indiana Jones. We stay with images of the people following him. They're in over their head, and a little fearful of the man in the hat and leather jacket. And who can blame them? From their sweatiness we can glean that it's unpleasantly hot in the South American jungle, and he's wearing a hat and Leather Jacket.
Temple of Doom opens not with Indiana Jones, but Willie Scott, singing a Mandarin version of "Anything Goes". It's a bizarre, entertaining cabaret act that transforms halfway through into a fantastic Busby Berkeley routine, and it sets a playful, fanciful tone that will be subverted half an hour later when we realize that the film is actually about child slavery and human sacrifice. Maybe not the wisest decision, but certainly an interesting one.
1.6.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 5
Day 5: Indiana Jones and the Curious Gophers
The first shots of an Indiana Jones film follow a very simple formula. Start with the Paramount logo, then fade into a matching shot of a similar mountain. The first film featured a mountain somewhere in South America. The second twisted expectations by fading to a gong with the Paramount logo on it. In the third film we were back to a mountain, the twist that time being that it was some manner of "Young Indiana Jones" standing near it.
It's an integral part of the franchise, so people were obviously excited to see just what that Paramount logo was going to be fading into this time around. Imagine their surprise when it turned out to be a pile of dirt that bares only the slightest of resemblances to the Logo. A little underwhelming, to be sure.
The first shots of an Indiana Jones film follow a very simple formula. Start with the Paramount logo, then fade into a matching shot of a similar mountain. The first film featured a mountain somewhere in South America. The second twisted expectations by fading to a gong with the Paramount logo on it. In the third film we were back to a mountain, the twist that time being that it was some manner of "Young Indiana Jones" standing near it.
It's an integral part of the franchise, so people were obviously excited to see just what that Paramount logo was going to be fading into this time around. Imagine their surprise when it turned out to be a pile of dirt that bares only the slightest of resemblances to the Logo. A little underwhelming, to be sure.
31.5.08
I Hate Indiana Jones: Day 4
Day 4: Indiana Jones and the Over-respect for the Living
Yesterday I mentioned the scene where Harrison Ford and Jim Broadbent commiserate about the death of Indy's friends and relatives. This leads to the best line in the movie, where Jim Broadbent observes that the two of them have reached the age where life "Stops giving them things, and starts taking them."
Yesterday I mentioned the scene where Harrison Ford and Jim Broadbent commiserate about the death of Indy's friends and relatives. This leads to the best line in the movie, where Jim Broadbent observes that the two of them have reached the age where life "Stops giving them things, and starts taking them."
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