Criminal Minds 1606 – True Conviction

We’re back for the second half of season sixteen – now for the real question: are they going to let us know what happened with the explosion immediately, or jerk us around a while first? Let’s find out by pressing play on the episode!

Although the bodycams were disconnected in the explosion, Garcia is able to quickly reestablish the uplink, and it turns out that JJ is fine! Whew – that’s a relief! No news on Luke yet, so that’s a really bad sign. Emily gathers everyone to rush off to Whitfield county in their new jet! Which gives her a chance to say “Wheels Up”, which I know is important for the fans, but again, this is gibberish. Wheels up is supposed to mean something, and she’s transformed it into a catchphrase attached to nothing but the idea that they’re going to be going somewhere at some point in the future.

Am I being petty about this? You’d better believe it!

On the plane Joe, Emily, and Tara stare into the distance, stressing over the situation. I’m not sure why, though – the uplink to JJ has been connected, they could be talking to her and finding out what’s going on right now.

Speaking of what’s going on, JJ finds Luke as the ambulances and fire engines turn up, and he’s still alive! So it’s fair to say that show misled us quite a bit about exactly when that bomb went off – the editing suggested that they were still in the container when it happened, but given how far both of them are afield of the hillside, it’s fair to say they got a good distance away before the blast knocked them down.

Meanwhile MM watches the emergency vehicles drive by – the killer from last episode is nowhere in sight, although I’m sure we’ll learn of his fate soon enough. Is this a situation where they were really misleading us about timelines and his body was already in the container? MM calls his wife to let her know he’s going to be gone a few extra days on his current job, then he searches out routes from his location in Keith, GA, to Falls Lake.

So, two things about this route search…

1: Keith, GA is NOT in Whitfield Country.

2: Those routes and distances are super-weird. Ranging from 460 miles to 810? That’s nearly twice the distance. What app is he using, and why does it hate its users? I ran this through google maps, and the three routes it offered three routes, ranging from 425 to 467 miles – weirdly all of them predicted the trip would take exactly the same amount of time, give or take a single minute.

The point is, none of these suggested routes encouraged the driver to drive South through Atlanta and Colombia on the way North to Falls Lake.

While he’s trying to decide which route to take MM flashes back to his childhood, when he was running through the woods being pursued by someone. The predator turns out to be Haywire from Prison Break, who we remember from last time where he appeared to MM in a vision, revealing himself as the guy who taught MM how to serial kill. Haywire knocks MiniM out and tosses him in the bed of a pickup truck. So was he a kidnapping victim who was shown the ropes by his abductor, or is this a family business type of thing? Given what happened to Moose, the former seems more likely. A quick glance at the license plate reveals that this is a North Carolina truck, suggesting that MM is going ‘home’!

We then get a quick montage of MiniM being locked in a closet with a dead cat for a long period of time, only being fed pieces of toast shoved in when the door is opened a crack. Then MiniM wakes in bed, as his period of punishment for attempting to flee has ended. Haywire comes into the room and we learn that he’s a relation of the kid’s parents, and since they’re dead, he has custody of MiniM! So it’s actually kind of both a kidnapping and a family thing!

Criminal Minds 821: Nanny Dearest

Still no updates on the whole copycat situation, so with just two episodes left in the season, I guess they're making us wait until the finale, right? Or maybe there'll be a scene next week setting up the finale?

Either way, the episode opens with a screw-up, titling the first scene as '1 YEAR AGO', when really this is the present, and the rest of the episode is one year later. Who taught these people about context?

Anyhow, in a bathroom lit only by candles, a guy in rubber gloves is preparing a scalding-hot tub! Or perhaps it's full of chemicals. I suppose we'll find out when he finishes dragging the gagged and screaming woman into it. No, even after we see the dunking, there's no clear answer as to whether it's actually dangerous, or this was some kind of sick baptism ritual.

There's a solid transition from the murder tub to the one where JJ is bathing her son! The kid asks why she has to go to work, since he'd rather she be around all of the time. She starts to offer the whole 'people need my help' thing, which is crazy, since she hasn't had a clear role or value to the team since Garcia took over picking the cases, but there's no time for her justification to continue, since Josh Stewart walks in, making me immediately happy!

Seriously, that guy is one of my ten favorite actors, and he's not on the show enough. Maybe someone could give him his own show? Wait, maybe someone has!

(one trip to IMDB later)

Apparently he's currently on season two of the show 'Shooter' (presumably playing an evil sniper, although that's based on nothing but his appearance in Dark Knight Rises), as well as a miniseries about Lewis and Clark!

Good for you, Josh!

Where was I? Oh, right Criminal Minds.

JJ heads off to work after handing off parenting duties to Josh, which makes me wonder if he's a full-time dad now. I certainly hope so. Seriously, after you've had a bomb vest strapped to you and survived, it's time to call the whole police thing quits and take early retirement. I'm sure you can get some kind of a stress pension for that, can't you?

At the office we get a breakdown of their new case! Every year a nanny taking care of a child is kidnapped, raped, burned with a circular object, then drowned in a tub. The children are dropped off at a hospital, church, or other safe space, completely unharmed. The killer makes sure that her body his found on a specific day, which is now just two weeks away, so the team is on the case!

Seriously? You waited until it was just two weeks away? Were you so busy with something else that you couldn't be working the case out of California and getting off to your occasional 2-day solves?

The killer murders people up and down California, so there's no way of knowing where he'll strike next! But one of his would-be victims escaped and moved to Seattle, so while most of the team will be heading to LA because it's an easy place to film (also that's where the killer dumps the bodies, and maybe holds the still-living victims, but come on), JJ and Derek will try to get more info out of the escaped victim.

There's also a Prentiss-Award winning line, as Reid, condescending dick that he is, seriously assumes that the rest of the team doesn't know what day of the month it is.

Big help there, Reid.

Over at the Griffith Observatory, the killer has decided to get super-lazy, abducting a nanny who was already in LA! Will the team be able to save her in time (they have at least twelve days, unless he refrigerates bodies), or will the killer start spree killing?

Let's find out after the credits!