Archie Presents: Valuable Economic Lessons

In these trying economic times, it's hard to know exactly where to look for solutions. I, for one, have decided to turn to Archie, in this story from 1975.

That's the setup, and here's the pitch:

From there the story spirals off into a standard gag about Archie wanting a raise in his allowance, and his father shooting him down. Whatever his motives were, however, it's impossible to ignore the wisdom in Archie's economic theories.

In a country where ten percent of the workforce sits idle and the rich hoard their money like so many covetous dragons, who can deny the necessity of supporting increased production through consumer spending? Archie's bold prescription of protectionist trade policies and favoring domestic manufacturing seems untenable in today's corporatist climate, but perhaps it's time to follow his radical lead, and put American prosperity first!

What does it say about America's current, profoundly out of touch mass media that if you want to find direct, powerful statements supporting workers you have to search out children's comics from thirty-six years ago?

Adventures in Censorship: Archie Comics!

Oh Archie comics, if there's one thing you are best known for it's an utter lack of offensiveness. Why, despite the fact that these characters really ought to have more problems with each other than they do -- Betty and Veronica fighting over the same man, Archie and Reggie fighting over the same woman, Moose regularly beating up almost everybody he meets -- all of them get along famously, giving up grudges faster than a goldfish whose brain has been mementoed. I doubt any of these characters would even impose for lasagna.

By and large this upbeat tone is maintained by simply refusing to acknowledge the existence of anything even slightly questionable. The world of Archie has, as far as I know, completely missed out on the horrors of AIDS, African genocide, both Gulf wars and, yes, the Holocaust. In fact, other than the time at little Archie totally killed a guy*, I have been as yet unable to find a reference to anyone dying in the history of Archie comics. Of course, since he was created in 1941, there's a chance he did some war propaganda way back when. I'll look into that, too.

This blinkered view of the world is easy enough to accomplish. The people at Archie produce the comic, so obviously they have utter control over the world in which it takes place. This means that for the most part they can just avoid ever bringing up anything that might accidentally make a reader feel even slightly bad. But what if a story needs to reference the events from the real world, events that touch on the very darkness Archie comics are designed to help people pretend doesn't exist?

Naturally then it's time for a little censorship. Confusing, barely coherent censorship.