The Hundred and Fifty-Eighth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

That is the correct way to celebrate after tricking a car into driving off the road by making it think it was about to run headfirst into another automobile. Seriously, that's a super-clever scheme, grim reaper. I'm not even going to question your fascinatingly spelled cheer.

It's possible that you're wrong about The Dark Knight Rises

I've been very hard on terrible movie Skyfall here on the website, and as a consequence, a question has been asked of me: how is it that I'm so critical of terrible movie Skyfall, while I'm happy ignoring the many plot holes and stupid contrivances of wonderful movie The Dark Knight Rises? A fair question, one which I'll answer in the form of a picto-illustratory article.

The short version - The Dark Knight Rises doesn't actually have many plot holes or stupid character decisions. What people have incorrectly regarded as such are largely examples of them not paying close enough attention to the film, or misinterpreting things (willfully or not) out of a biased intent to claim that the film isn't actually any good. I'm not going to attempt to engage their motivations for doing this, but rather just explain where their reasoning is flawed.

So, let's start at the beginning, shall we?

The Hundred and Fifty-Seventh Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

What the heck is that grim reaper up to? Looks like we'll need another two-parter to figure this one out!

The Hundred and Fifty-Sixfth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Take note, construction crews - this is why you don't leave giant spikes sticking up at the sides of docks.

So, anyways, Skyfall was just terrible.

Nearly nine months later, I feel that I finally have the emotional distance necessary to watch Skyfall again, chronicling how it may be the most lazily-plotted James Bond movie in history. A non-stop mess of plot holes and terrible characters making inconceivable decisions for no earthly reason. Roger Ebert frequently described the 'Idiot Plot' as a movie whose plot only moves because every character involved in it is a moron.

Skyfall's storyline is the platonic ideal, the perfect form of the idiot plot.

So here is a list - in basic chronological order - of every stupid thing about the movie Skyfall.

We start immediately in the aftermath of an attack on some kind of an MI6 safehouse, during which the hard drive containing the names and photos of every undercover MI6 agent all over the world was stored. Why is this information all in one place? Why was it placed in an ordinary laptop? What possible use could MI6 have for it in Turkey? Maybe if it was a list of all the undercover agents in and around Turkey then its existence might make some semblance of sense, but EVERYONE is on this list. Why would this ever exist in the first place, and then why was it left in a safehouse in a foreign country with only three guards?

The Hundred and Fifty-Fifth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Presented without comment.

Dexter is Just Terrible, and Has Been Basically Forever

So Dexter came back last week, and before watching the new episode - which I'm sure is about how he's been rewarded by getting his sister to shoot a cop (although really that's going to be his downfall!) - I wanted to take a moment to reflect on just how terrible the season-ender of Dexter was last year.

The episode begins with LaGuerta placing Dexter under arrest for being the Bay Harbour Butcher. She's able to do this because she's discovered a shirt with some blood on it in some garbage from Dexter's boat. The blood belongs to Estrada, the man who murdered Dexter's Mom all those years ago. The only logical assumption? Dexter has killed the man! How's he going to get out of this one?

Simple - it was all Dexter's brilliant plan! He broke into the evidence storage facility where they were still holding the bloody shirt that Estrada was arrested in from 30 years ago. By doing this and planting it on his own boat, he somehow makes everyone think that LaGuerta planted the evidence, discrediting her. Isn't it convenient that the police department held onto that shirt - which wasn't actually evidence of anything, just the clothes Estrada was wearing - for all those decades? Seems like a bit of a stretch, doesn't it? More importantly, if LaGuerta was going to frame Dexter, why would she do it in a way that could be so easily uncovered?

The Hundred and Fifty-Fourth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

I've said it before, I'm probably going to say it again - you look exactly the same. Buy a mask, dope.

Handicapping the Red John list

So the fifth-season ender of The Mentalist has come and gone, and my hopes are yet to be dashed! There was no revelation about Red John's identity, but we were presented with a short list, and my guy's name was on it.

So now, like all armchair TV detectives, I think it's time to start wildly guessing at who Red John might wind up being. Here's the list we're given, along with my capsule comments.

Bret Stiles - Nope.
Gale Betram - Probably not.
Ray Haffner - Absolutely possible.
Reede Smith - Who?
Bob Kirkland - Red Herring.
Sheriff Thomas McAllister - Huh?
Brett Partridge - My pick, for reasons I've already outlined.

The Hundred and Fifty-Third Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Is this a real technology? A metal strip-based linear music box? I must find one!

The Hundred and Fifty-Second Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Calling out hits over orchid-farming techniques. That is hardcore.

The Hundred and Fiftieth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Even more anticlimactic! Amazing! Seriously, though, what kind of a world are we living in where a supervillain can't even be bothered to train his killer apes?

The Hundred and Forty-Ninth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Since the last two-part Greatest Panels went so well, I thought it was time for another! Synchronistically, it's also about beasts that someone keeps behind a metal door! Will these guys prove more effective than the Komodo Dragon?

The Hundred and Forty-Eighth Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

Crossbow technology that also causes the bolts to triple in size? We must try to discover the source of this power you call 'misunderstanding of perspective'!

The Hundred and Forty-Seventh Greatest Panel in the History of Comics

If there's one thing I've learned about chickens, it's that they're always really psyched to run towards gunfire.