Comments on Castle Vardulon: An Open Letter to the Makers of Inside

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck. you're a virgin, right?

2010-11-19T03:19:40.666-05:00

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

you're a virgin, right?

Hey just wanted to stop by and say you're a do...

2010-08-25T14:51:04.590-04:00

Hey just wanted to stop by and say you're a douchebag. Oh, and i hope you choke on your dad's cock.

This movie...yeah....it made me want to cut my fac...

2010-05-31T11:00:12.394-04:00

This movie...yeah....it made me want to cut my face off shove it down a toilet count to ten and play hide and go seek with my liver. Word simply cannot express how much I now want the french to die. And I only watched the first 15 minutes of the movie...at 11pm at night. I just...wtf? really? wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf W.T.F. was that? omg i want to cut my testicles off.

Heya there Jack. I'm sure that the Count can d...

2010-03-01T21:03:56.942-05:00

Heya there Jack. I'm sure that the Count can defend himself perfectly well, but seeing how this has gone unresponded, I feel the need to interject.

"No no... Fuck YOU! This open letter is idiotic, and so are you..."

It's worth noting that if one is going to open a comment with ad-hominem attacks, it is a good idea to provide substance to those attacks later on, in order to avoid looking like an idiot. Vardulon did this. You didn't. At the very least, this whole comment feels extremely knee-jerk. Think about things before you type them, 'kay?

"If you miss the point of a movie, fine, doesn't mean everyone else did..."

... Woah. Sorry if I misunderstand you, but are you claiming that this film has a point, beyond vomiting as much gore at the audience as it can muster? Because if you have evidence for this, please do provide it. What was the point, or even aesop, of the film "Inside"?

"Better plot in this one than 99% of american horror"

To be fair, most American horror IS trash. However, I somehow doubt that that 99% is a legitimate statistic calculation. It is also worth noting that you didn't specify. Do you mean MODERN American horror?

If you don't, are you seriously suggesting that Inside has a better plot than Psycho? Halloween? Or, to cater to more modern sensibilities, Scream? Even Wrong Turn?

"and even though there are holes in it, it's easy to forgive when you think of the movie as a whole..."

No. No it isn't. Because this movie is just watching people getting maimed and murdered in rapid succession. There is no emotional connection, there is no reason to care about these characters. If the plot was airtight, the movie might be able to create some solid chills despite those flaws, but it isn't. So it doesn't. Therefore it has failed at it's purpose.

"You my friend has missed the point of this movie",

Still waiting to hear what that mystical "point" was...

"but thanks for an enjoyable rant.. you fucking pussy
(See how cool it is to curse all the time? No, no it bloody well isn't!)"

I know that it's tedious to wade through the comment section, but the least you could do is search for Vardulon's name. It's pretty dang distinctive. He's already explained that he was using the swearing to make a rhetorical point, not because it was "cool".

No no... Fuck YOU! This open letter is idiotic, an...

2009-12-20T19:03:53.530-05:00

No no... Fuck YOU! This open letter is idiotic, and so are you... If you miss the point of a movie, fine, doesn't mean everyone else did... Better plot in this one than 99% of american horror, and even though there are holes in it, it's easy to forgive when you think of the movie as a whole...

You my friend has missed the point of this movie, but thanks for an enjoyable rant.. you fucking pussy
(See how cool it is to curse all the time? No, no it bloody well isn't!)

I totally agree with your review. The only part of...

2009-11-28T20:10:55.085-05:00

I totally agree with your review. The only part of the movie that wasn´t disgusting was the beginning.

It's called "satire" people. The co...

2009-09-26T19:32:44.325-04:00

It's called "satire" people. The content is long and disjointed (like the plot of the movie). The obscenities are frequent and superfluous (like the gore in the movie). Additionally, it seems to leave many of you unsatisfied (like...gasp...the end of the movie!)

I get it. Great review.

I swear I love blood and gore, but every point you...

2009-09-20T04:43:24.990-04:00

I swear I love blood and gore, but every point you made was absolutely right. The French have managed to out-gore Americans and they even cast great actors, but the plot holes in this film were ridiculous.

The woman didn't even scream when she was being cut open for God's sake! She never screamed, when the cops realized they weren't talking to a pregnant woman at the door is when they should have called for back-up and definitely when shots were fired-any T.V. show would tell you that.

I really liked the acting in 'High Tension' also, but many scenes made no sense at all. What was the point of the 'Killer' giving himself a blowjob with some woman's head when said 'Killer' was in the house the whole fucking time, and where did the truck the 'Killer' drove to the remote house she'd never visited before come from?

Maybe I'm just older now, but it's really hard to enjoy my gore when there's no sense to it. The French as it turns out aren't all that-lol.

Oops, meant to say "Wow...what an arrogant do...

2009-09-18T12:52:19.331-04:00

Oops, meant to say "Wow...what an arrogant douchebag this Vardulon guy is."

Wow...what an arrogant douchebag this Vardulon guy...

2009-09-18T12:51:14.272-04:00

Wow...what an arrogant douchebag this Vardulon guy. Ugh.

'swear at all'. Yikes, that should teach m...

2009-07-11T04:25:49.195-04:00

'swear at all'. Yikes, that should teach me not to proof read. As if anything could at this point.

Cameron - First off, thanks for using a name. All ...

2009-07-11T04:24:44.495-04:00

Cameron - First off, thanks for using a name. All the anons can get a little confusing after a while.

As for your question, it's kind of funny that you would ask, since there's like two hundred other articles on this site that could answer it for you, but since you did ask...

I think swearing shows up in like 5-10 of the other articles (so, 2-5% of the total), and then only when I'm really annoyed at something. Hell, I've written like fifty thousand words about Indiana Jones 4, a movie I hated far more than this one, without swearing at all. Unless you count 'hell' or 'moron'. In which case I'm basically a longshoreman when it comes to language.

So why all the swearing? I kind of addressed this in an earlier comment, but I suppose I could have been clearer, so here goes-

The swearing's there for two reasons. The first is that, yes, I was very pissed off at the movie, and since I never sear at all, thought it would be funny to write a swear-tastic review.

The other reason is that I was trying to make a rhetorical point about the film's content. Basically my argument about the film was that featuring non-stop gore doesn't improve a horror film simply by virtue of its inclusion, and I was pointing this out by demonstrating that swearing doesn't make an argument more valid by its inclusion, either.

The pervasive swearing was meant to parallel the film's pervasive gore, making the point that an objectionable thing, repeated ad nauseam, loses any impact it might have had in the first place, rendering its inclusion pointless.

This is also why I recorded the audio version, in the hopes of demonstrating that by the end of the article, the swearing is just background noise.

Sure, it's by no means a revelatory point, but give the film's over-reliance on revolting imagery to cover its countless other flaws, I thought it was a relevant one to make.

on the one hand, it's refreshing to read a rev...

2009-07-11T03:25:54.952-04:00

on the one hand, it's refreshing to read a review that doesn't fawn over the violence and gore, and tout this as the greatest horror movie ever. on the other hand, i have great difficulty respecting the intelligence of someone whose every fifth word is 'fuck'. i understand the points you make, and i'm inclined to agree with them...or at least the ones i had the patience to pick out from the pissy little teenage tantrum you were throwing...; but seriously, is this how you normally communicate your opinions? did you run out of your prescribed medication before posting this? --you've a halfway decent review here, with some valid observations and criticisms; why ruin it by writing it in the language of a bitchy half-literate club girl?

Anon- I'm sorry to hear you liked the film, b...

2009-07-09T11:41:45.469-04:00

Anon-

I'm sorry to hear you liked the film, but at least we can agree on one thing - the importance of going to the internet and telling strangers that you didn't like a thing. I don't particularly care if it's the film or my review you're not fond of, so long as we're all on the webternet together, complaining about something, I'm happy.

I just read the first few paragraphs and got bored...

2009-07-09T11:17:24.137-04:00

I just read the first few paragraphs and got bored. I liked the movie; it wasn't perfect, but it did what I wanted it to do. However, if I didn't like it after awhile, I would have just shut it off. Just like I didn't read the rest of your review.

Many comments have been made regarding inside and ...

2009-05-15T07:15:00.000-04:00

Many comments have been made regarding inside and Martyrs criticizing their treatment of women.
What I find interesting is the fact that many people including this blogger refer to the women as bitches. People that start analyzing details about the house, the scar, etc. are lucky. We are all lucky to have time to waste talking about a movie. I loved this film. Seriously, if you look at the bottom of the DVD box in minute letters just below the ratings there is a line that reads; Warning the Following film contains Plot Holes Bitches and CGI babies. Take the time to read these comments and you might save yourself 90 minutes. If the filmmaker wanted a reaction he succeed. He got 90 minutes of your life you will never get back. All you had to do was hit the eject button and put those bitches to rest

Just watched it last night...what a piece of shit!...

2009-05-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

Just watched it last night...what a piece of shit! How the FUCK is this movie a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes? It's a HORRIBLE fucking film, so terrible that I'm going to begin calling it Swiss Cheese - cheesy as hell and full of plot holes. Also, why THE FUCK did they have to keep showing a shitty CG baby? CG BABIES NEVER WORK - ask Ally McBeal, ask the alternate ending of The Butterfly Effect, ask those stupid fucking insurance commercials.

How did our main pregnant bitch NOT RECOGNIZE her stalker, when she was in a brutal accident with her just 4 months earlier? Wouldn't she remember that face? Why would the police or doctors tell her that everybody died when SHE CLEARLY DIDN'T FUCKING DIE?! I kept waiting for some sort of twist to save this movie - I thought that all the rioting and such would be linked to her child, maybe because he was the anti-christ, and the psycho chick wanted to kill him before being born. I thought that, since she gets a gash on her face that was similar to a scar she acquired during the accident, that somehow they were going to tie this movie up by having her hallucinate this whole thing while she's dying in the wreck of something. ANYTHING besides the actual fucking ending would've at least attempted to save the movie.

By the time we have a half-burned bitch running around with a spear, the movie has made it clear it is THE MOST OVERRATED PIECE OF SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN. Thank you for this rant, let me know if you want to chat so we can bitch some more about it.

No, he can't be anymore. He never was. You,...

2009-02-10T11:53:00.000-05:00

No, he can't be anymore. He never was. You, on the other hand...

Could you be anymore of a fucking moron?

2009-01-26T20:04:00.000-05:00

Could you be anymore of a fucking moron?

Thank You for this SORELY NEEDED opposing view.
2008-12-16T14:00:00.000-05:00
Thank You for this SORELY NEEDED opposing view.

Thank you also for "spamming" positive review sites with it too. I only wish you had seen it during it's festival circuit run (which is when I decided I needed to see it). I guess it's my fault for not following up, though I usually expect festival goers to be proper cinephiles and give a reasonably objective view... obviously that's not the case here.

Just about all your points are very valid and anyone trying to justify an argument against some of them is basically... a fanboy. The movie has far too many moments of convienence (Duct Tape on the counter in the kitchen... of a womans home?!.. what was the pole too? looked like a auto-jack lever.. and that's just 20 seconds of the 82 minutes). All these moments of convienence and contrivance can not be explained away. the sheer quantity of issues point to the bigger picture that it was terribly written.

I, in no way experienced anything watching this film outside of GROSS disappointment. The gore is fine. I'm not a fan of gore and this isn't the worst I've seen. It's in no way scary at all. The camera shots with the scissors were really tacky. Just the big scissor thing in general is tacky. Very 1980's. The identity of the killer was 1 of 2 things (either the pregnant girl was seeing this all in her head (since she was more a bitch than a depressed "widower") or it was one of the people in the other car. I'm sorry, but it really was fairly obvious. In fact, the voice at the beginning totally gives it away but I didn't give it much thought since the audio mix was really weak so I just chalked it up as a bad overdub. It was also obvious at one point scissors were going to cut into that belly. So the effect was lost. Squandered by all this foreshadowing with all the stupid shots of the stupid scissors. Killer jams scissors here, killer lets go of scissors... close up of scissors, killer decides to grab scissors again. WTF is that?

I went to great lengths to see this movie to the point of having to import it from the US as no video rental or video retail stores in Ontario (that I could find) had it. Miraculosly(sp?), Amazon just happened to have it on sale for just under $6 when I finally got around to ordering it.

Thank God.

I was willing to pay $30 based on the strength of the reviews alone.

But having seen this really pathetic excuse for a film I am getting something positive out of it, and it's that horror movie fans can be complete idiots when it comes to their opinionson what a good film is. I need something objective. If you're a gore fan, and that's just your thing.. then tell me, so I can determine that ME <> GoreFan and therefore GoreFan's opinion is useless to me. Thats the only thing this movie had going for it and all the blood in the world with one of the best Directors in the world (See - Dead Alive) does not make a good film, or good cinema.

This reminds me of the screening of a work print of Hostel... the movie ends, and the audience is cheering, meanwhile I'm thinking "WTF are you monkeys cheering about? That it's over?"

You want to see a good horror film. Good French, or otherwise?

Martyrs.

(and don't start on the crap that it's torture porn. It isn't. There's nothing sadistic in the film and you don't have to make up ANY excuses for ANY characters actions. It all makes sense, it's all very plausible, realistic even. Every aspect of the film is solid, from the acting, the direction, the set design/art direction, the sound, cinematography and the writing).

Ultimately can we do something about defining some sort of code of conduct for film reviews. I mean, there are movies I enjoy that are weak films (Guilty Pleasure) and then there are films I do not like, but I recognize are good films.

It's easy to not like Martyrs, but you have to acknowledge it's a good film. It's well crafted. But with L'interieur (Inside), not only do I not like it, it's not even remotely a good film.

These guys don't even know where to place the camera. The sound effects were poor. It would have been more shocking/effective without them. There's only one good shot in the whole movie and that's the killer standing outside in the rain at the door, lighting her cigarette. That's it.

BTW, that house was small.. we're talking 1 (maybe 2 bedrooms). The door is at the base of the stairs, I think the whole place was hardwood... sound would travel to the bathroom, easily. Even muffled talking would have been heard. The filmmakers didn't care. They had a big name french actress and some good makeup people and that was enough for them.... not for me.

Absolutely too right. I like Beátrice Dalle and t...

2008-12-12T18:25:00.000-05:00

Absolutely too right. I like Beátrice Dalle and the notion of her playing a relentless psycho was appealing to me, but this movie was just ridiculous. Let's be honest, here: the entire premise of the film, the whole reason it was made, was the scissor scene. Everything else in the film existed solely to bring us this scene. Every plot twist was contrived to make sure we saw an impromptu c-section with a pair of scissors in the end.

I'm sick to death of people going on about how this movie is some kind of great artistic statement. Bullshit. It was a plain old splatter film, pure and simple, and even more illogical than is typical for the genre.

For those of you who liked it, whatever, more power to you. Just don't try to convince me it was art, or that it was even a particularly coherent picture.

Greetings!

You are absolutely fucking right...

2008-10-12T13:17:00.000-04:00

Greetings!

You are absolutely fucking right about the flaws of this movie. Great review. Very funny and to the point. But I like this movie. It was grim, bloody and disturbing. Fuck the illogical plotholes.

Vardulon, you're 100% correct. I know you fucking ...

2008-09-17T00:39:00.000-04:00

Vardulon, you're 100% correct. I know you fucking know this, but I thought I should fucking stress. For fucking emphasis.

Wait, what was your explanation for her not hea...

2008-09-08T13:28:00.000-04:00
Wait, what was your explanation for her not hearing her mother calling her name while standing five feet away?

Maybe she was scared? Maybe she just wasn't paying attention? Maybe through all the shit she had been going through over the course of one night, her head just wasn't in the right place. Can you honestly say that you haven't heard someone calling your name before?

Seriously? You're saying that if you showed up at your child's house, and there were two strangers there, one of whom was pretending to be you, the first call you make isn't to the police?

No, the first thing you do, phone call or otherwise, is see if your nine months pregnant child is ok.

I agree with almost all of your points completely, though they didn't prevent me from loving this film and hailing it as one of the best horror movies of recent memory. A plot hole is only a plot hole when there is no seemingly valid reason for it to occur otherwise. Who are we to say we would do anything differently? Alas, I am not a pregnant woman, so I must not judge. I would have screamed, though.

Out of all the plot holes, however, the one that just annoyed the fuck out of me was the cop at the end getting up and smacking the everloving shit out of Sarah's belly. That was just kinda stupid, and I saw it as a means to set up the impromptu C-Section at the end.

Your refusal to bend on this makes me want to ask you to write for my horror blog. It's great to see someone disagree with the mainstream.

Take a look at the house again - the stairwell ope...

2008-08-15T23:43:00.000-04:00
Take a look at the house again - the stairwell opening starts about five feet down from the bathroom door, and that stairwell opening is directly above the front door (as seen in the artistic 'don't you get it? She thinks she's safe inside, but she's really trapped!' shots at the beginning). In an otherwise completely quiet house, there's no way you couldn't hear someone knocking on the door. Could she hear the conversation in the living room? Maybe not, but the conversation started at the stairwell. The conversation between mother and boss also happened at the stairwell.

Seriously? You're saying that if you showed up at your child's house, and there were two strangers there, one of whom was pretending to be you, the first call you make isn't to the police? Whether she's a murderer or not, she's lying and trespassing. I'm not saying you can't have the mother show up and get killed, but the way they did it is unbelievably stupid.

Wait, what was your explanation for her not hearing her mother calling her name while standing five feet away? Did you not have one? Huge surprise.

It's clear that you liked the movie - that's fine, if you're someone who can overlook huge flaws in logic when watching a movie, more power to you. I'm sure you get much more enjoyment out of films than those of us who enjoy coherence.

But even someone with such low standards has to be able to see that the cops were a drop-in by the filmmakers to extend the story from about forty-five minutes up to (nearly) feature length, and that, even then, they were handled about as poorly as they could have been.

As for the Caesarian kidnapping, if you were looking to defend the plot choice, then 'because she's just nuts' isn't a very good defense, since most of her activities are based on careful planning, quick thinking (and bad writing). Obviously it's easier to steal a baby after the mother comes home from the hospital. A better explanation (that fits the character psychologically), is that the crazy woman wanted to possess the baby completely, and if she waited until the baby was born, that baby would 'belong' to the girl, and could never be hers completely.

Next time you're defending a movie, put a little more thought into your arguments.

So your other argument is that it's more likely that a beanbag gun fired point-blank into someone's head is more likely to turn them into a murderous zombie than a gunshot? Razor-sharp, that reasoning. And why did she use a beanbag gun when she still had a perfectly good pistol? As for why I couldn't see it clearly, there's like three shots in the movie that you can see clearly, and that wasn't one of them.

And for the record, Michael Meyers doesn't use a gun because, mentally, he's so completely out of whack that it's possible he doesn't even understand what a gun is - mentally he's still a child, as evidenced by the way he 'plays' with his victims. For him, it's not about practicality or expedience, it's about the game. That's the kind of information you can get about a character in a well-made movie.

Comments on Castle Vardulon: An Open Letter to the Makers of Inside

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck. you're a virgin, right?

Hey just wanted to stop by and say you're a do...

This movie...yeah....it made me want to cut my fac...

Heya there Jack. I'm sure that the Count can d...

No no... Fuck YOU! This open letter is idiotic, an...

I totally agree with your review. The only part of...

It's called "satire" people. The co...

I swear I love blood and gore, but every point you...

Oops, meant to say "Wow...what an arrogant do...

Wow...what an arrogant douchebag this Vardulon guy...

'swear at all'. Yikes, that should teach m...

Cameron - First off, thanks for using a name. All ...

on the one hand, it's refreshing to read a rev...

Anon- I'm sorry to hear you liked the film, b...

I just read the first few paragraphs and got bored...

Many comments have been made regarding inside and ...

Just watched it last night...what a piece of shit!...

No, he can't be anymore. He never was. You,...

Could you be anymore of a fucking moron?

Absolutely too right. I like Beátrice Dalle and t...

Greetings!You are absolutely fucking right...

Vardulon, you're 100% correct. I know you fucking ...

Wait, what was your explanation for her not hea...

Take a look at the house again - the stairwell ope...

Greetings!

You are absolutely fucking right...